Scrutineering

Andrew Davies. DO WANT.

2009-05-28T10:39:00.001-07:00

For Berndt Maylander's army of fans (if you can call several people an army) it was a poor race.

Andrew Davies, ladies and gentlemen. Never fear, Scrutineering's not gone. We'll return once we hit Germany with all sorts of news about the GP de Monaco.

Good try, Dad.

2009-04-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

Today my dad tried to answer this question from the Sidepodquiz:

What was the relationship between Ian Scheckter and Jody Scheckter?

My father's answer: It was the the same man with two separate identities.
Actual answer: Brothers.

Happy Easter, everyone.

I'm sure these were even funnier in Dutch..

2009-04-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this priceless website today. Somewhere in the Netherlands is a man with an intense dislike for Michael Schumacher and a lot of time on his hands. :)

What is Schumacher without his racing car???
As fast as a turtle!!!
...

Why is Schumacher his car yellow next year???
Because of his sponsor Chiquita Bananas.
...

Michael and Corinna are cosy picnicing. Somewhen there is only one biscuit left
Corrina: "Shall I break it in two pieces???"
Michael: "Oh no, I will eat it alone!!!"
...

Regenmeister Fail

2009-04-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

For years Michael Schumacher has been lauded as "der Regenmeister." So can someone please explain to me how someone who has been recognized for his exceptional ability to maneuver a car in the wet could recommend putting full wet tyres on Kimi Raikkonen's F60 when it wasn't raining?! FAIL.

Andrew Davies, please come back!

2009-04-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Andrew Davies,

Hope you're having a nice vacation. Please come back soon, because I don't think Pete Gill has any idea how Winners and Losers should work.

All best,
EK

Horoscope for the Malaysian GP

2009-04-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

Capricorn (12/22-1/19)

It won't be an easy day for you, but it could be a very pivotal one. Hang in there.

Testament that everyone follows Kimi's examples...

2009-04-04T07:14:00.000-07:00

No prizes for guessing to whom this recent tattoo belongs.

Welnee, dit kan niet.

2009-04-03T18:24:00.000-07:00

Just a brief post, since I'm getting dinner ready and preparing to go out for a first-rate thrash, but what's going on with the lack of proofreading today on PlanetF1?! I've found three in the past three minutes!

I MANDATE... (Andrew Davies edition)

2009-03-31T16:40:00.001-07:00

Just a follow-up on Team-Mate Wars...

YES! It was everything I thought it was going to be! How astute Andrew Davies is! Oh, and the vocabulary! Not quite on par with that of Bob Varsha, but then again I am hard-pressed to imagine Bob Varsha ever uttering the phrase "jinking about in the braking zones like some gangsta rappa bad boy" to describe Jarno Trulli's behavior in braking zones.

In short, you should worship Andrew Davies. That is, if you don't already.

Fan Girls for Journos?

2009-03-31T16:33:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that Frank Christensen authored the pre-season prediction article, Andrew Davies IS doing Team-Mate Wars in 2009! Ahhh, I'm ecstatic! I know that journalists usually don't have a fan following, but I am definitely Andrew Davies biggest fan girl, haha.

But why?

2009-03-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

Why does this picture seem so oddly sad/funny? Please to explain...

A Brace of Force India can make anything better.

2009-03-29T01:22:00.000-07:00

Ugh, a double retirement for Ferrari in Oz. What to do..? And what to say? By tomorrow everyone will be blabbing that the F60 has massive reliability issues or some nonsense, besides being behind the curve on the whole diffuser business. It's a little depressing. I've got to say that I'm proud of Felipe Massa. He was running a decent race. And KERS seems to be working out for him. Move over Rafaela, this is true love, lol. :) I'm sure, though, that we'll get this all sorted soon. We win and lose as a team and I know we can pull through this.

It's true, Brawn dominated the race from start to finish. Jens led every lap and Rubens very impressively fought through the field after one of the worst starts I've seen in a long time. Well, at least since David Coulthard, haha.

Yes, I've been a bit sour about Brawn, but I actually don't think I can be anymore. It would be a bit hypocritical for me to resent either of those drivers for getting such a good car, as I've been pressing for them to get the respect and drives they deserve for some time now. I distinctly remember lamenting Jenson's early accident at Monaco last year and rooting for him at Silverstone as my favorite British driver. And I think that Rubens just deserves to be happy for a bit. Overall, well done. They ran a great race and were so humble at the end. Plus Jenson Button's utter excitement at having won was really darling. Also Barrichello's lovableness at the press conference. Best part though was probably the Ross Brawn's all-black spandexy outfit, which seriously was ninja gear. Honestly, if you just gave him a mask, well... Yeah, I don't know exactly what ninjas do.. (What do they do?) Maybe Brawn will have to become my loyalty B team..

Other higlights of this race? Here they are, in reverse order of my excitement:

4. Peter Windsor's pre-race gridwalk.

Guys, honestly! How did I not see the comedic value in this before?! Essentially Peter Windsor just walks up and down the grid, aprehending personnel and drivers and popping into their conversations like the awkward kid in high school. Watching him try to get drivers to chat with him was hilarious. After being rejected by Nick Heidfeld, he managed to land a brief interview... with Nelsinho Piquet. :) It was quality lolz.

3. Jarno Trulli's antics on the podium and in the press conference.

I was truly bemused (ha, pun!) by Trulli. He got really intense. What was going on with all that punching? And the weird faces in the press conference? Mysterious, yes. And highly entertaining.

2. Peter Windsor refusal to see reason.

Kubica's decision to tangle with Sebastian Vettel ultimately ended with a three-wheeled Red Bull which actually ran fairly well under the circumstances. However, as Red Bull limped along, one of the Speed crew pointed out that Vettel was still running in the points. David Hobbs astutely pointed out that he could be black-flagged at any second for safety reasons. Peter Windsor, however, did not seem to see a problem with this situation, insisting that Vettel could still continue. To which Steve Machett exasperatedly said, "Peter!"

1. Nothing is hotter than Bob Varsha's vocabulary.

OMG, I love Bob Varsha's vocabulary. It gets me every time. As Speed cut to a frame of Giancarlo Fisichella tailing Adrian Sutil, Bob Varsha remarked "There's a brace of Force India." In case you aren't sure why this is delightful, click here and refer to definition 10.

As happy as these people have made me, there are some people who are definitely not in my good graces at present:

First off, Kubica. Although you probably won't remember, I once wrote a post in which a set of disembodied arms slapped up Fernando Alonso for eying Felipe Massa's race seat. Well, as we speak the same set of limbs is descending on Robert Kubica and the right hand is absolutely shaking an index finger vigorously under his nose. Robert Kubica, what were you thinking! You absolutely took out Sebastian Vettel, poor boy, and you've terribly upset him! So you march down to Red Bull this instant and apologize! Go!

This is the problem that I've seemed to have developed with Kubica as of late. I'm finding him to be overly agressive. It's just like when he almost took out Lewis Hamilton while fighting with him in Brazil last season even though he was a lap down. I most definitely didn't have a problem with it at the time (for obvious reasons), but he's got to monitor that ruthless behavior. I also hear that he's rather curt with his engineers.. Hmm..

As much as it pains me to say it, Kimi, you're also in the doghouse. Watching Raikkonen put the car into the wall brought back a vignette of several unpleasant flash-backs from last season. It really puts me in a tough position. I really love Kimi. I'll never forget the 2007 season. He's largely responsible for my decision to invest in F1 (spare time, not cash, although I would totally sponsor Brawn just to put something else on that bare car!). However, if he has another season like last year in which he just seems not to give a damn, I won't hesitate to start looking forward to Alonso.. It'll make me really sad, but it is something I will do.

At the end of it all, once again, Brawn GP, I commend you. Just know that we will race you again Ross Brawn, and we will beat you!

Some Thoughts (The Shocking Edition)

2009-03-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

1. I said it last time, and I'm going to say it once more with emphasis. Fuck diffusers. Yeah, that's right, fuck them. And fuck that ridiculous term "The Diffuser Three." I absolutely refuse to use it.

2. I still believe in my team. It's been a pretty grim start to the season, but qualifying and practice, well, they're different than a race. I have no choice but be to be confident and trust Ferrari. I know we're going to get through this. They'll change, or we'll adapt.

3. If I'm going to support a Brawn car, it'll be Rubens Barichello. I think he deserves this. And I think that I hold a grudge against Jenson Button, but at present I can't remember what it is. I'll have to go back through my blog and check it out.

4. Fernando Alonso's wife is at Australia! And she has a cute new haircut! Why don't we see more of her? I'm so sick of always seeing press on Nicole Scherzinger!

5. As much as I am depressed by the situation, this did make me chuckle:

6. This could make for a very interesting season. Not because of the Brawnsaga, but because I predict myself having to reevaluate Lewis Hamilton and McLaren. I'm feeling kind of bad for them. It must suck to be defending World Champion and running nowhere near the front. I mean, even when Kimi was having troubles last year, he was still finishing in the points. I'm curious as to how Lewis is going to handle this situation and what he'll do when he's not in a good car.. Based on this, I might have to alter my opinion on him.

Gasp, am I going to bury the hatchet with Lewis Hamilton and McLaren like I did for Fernando Alonso!? (LOST sound effects here)

NB: If you were confused, that last part was the shocking bit.

Ah, nothing like pre-race blasphemy.

2009-03-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

Lord, grant me the coolness of Kimi Raikkonen,
the sportsmanship of Felipe Massa,
and a setup that makes a difference.

Forza Ferrari, amen.

Obviously this is the best way for me to get my paper done..

2009-03-27T01:17:00.000-07:00

Some Thoughts

2009-03-27T00:22:00.000-07:00

1. First, shut the fuck up about Ferrari's performance in Prac 2. Shit happens and I'm pretty sure we just set the car up wrong for conditions. This is obvious. Don't you try to tell me that they've somehow become "inconsistent" over the span of two hours when they've been great through the winter. You're just trying to start drama. Shame on you.

2. I think Rubens Barichello is going to pwn Jensen Button hardcore this season. I have been saying this forever. Everyone keeps trying to tell me that Button is so much better. He's not.

3. Adrian Sutil is a great driver and I would like to see him get in a good car. He has a lot of passion. That being said, "passion" is based on a lot of different things. And whereas Felipe Massa is passion, not everyone who's passionate is Felipe Massa.

4. McLaren is most definitely fail. Now is one of those times when I will temporarily put aside all my distain for Lewis Hamilton, because really right now he is desperately in need of hugs time. When McLaren runs 17th and 18th in a practice and the 18th car is not Kovalainen, I imagine it hurts a certain World Champion. So while I don't like Lewis Hamilton, he can pick up a friendly embrace in Minnesota, should he be around in the next hour or so.

5. Fuck diffusers.

6. I think I am out of both Jolly Ranchers and vodka. I need to stock up!

We're getting close!

2009-03-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

First practice in 9 hours and 49 minutes! EEeeee! Just looked at some of the pics on Formula1.com and I think James Allen is right: perhaps Kimi has switched to Proactiv. :) Now I'm off to class in Ferrari red. :)

Interobang!?

2009-03-25T19:52:00.000-07:00

Where the fuck is Andrew Davies?! It has been brought to my attention that Andrew Davies did not author the Team-Mate Wars Predictions article that appeared on PF1 today. This distresses me greatly. I adore Andrew Davies. He is a god in my mind. His biting wit is unrivaled; his analogies are golden. I esteem only Bob Varsha's vocabulary above that of Andrew Davies. So bring him the fuck back! I don't want Frank Hopkinson!

Interobang!?!?

Kimi for Champion

2009-03-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

It's time for me to have my first dilemma of the season. That's right, which of my drivers am I going to back?

I do this every year. I pick one driver who I stand behind. Then I stand in front of my TV the whole season and shout encouraging things at them and act supportive. This tradition began in 2007 with Kimi Raikkonen. It's true, I really had no idea who was in July of 2007. I just knew that people were saying he was under-performing so badly that there was talk of bringing back Michael Schumacher. I really didn't know who he was either. However, somehow I decided that Kimi Raikkonen should get a chance, dammit and began to support him in all his endeavors. Not unlike how Felipe Massa supports Joe in all of his..

Last year I threw all my supportive efforts behind Felipe Massa, because I felt that Kimi would obviously be able to handle himself after having won the WDC. Well, I was wrong, which is why I'll probably have to stand behind Raikkonen this year again.

Who do I think will be top dog this year at Ferrari? Mm, probably Kimi. Yeah, Kimi for champion.

Acne, Asshats, and the Brawnsaga

2009-03-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

It all starts tomorrow. The 2009 season. And I can't wait. I need something to break the monotony of testing and the off-season! A lot of you are going to disagree with me. You'll tell me that the KERS development was so exciting, that all the new technical regulations are just too cool, and that the Brawn GP drama has been lifechanging for you. Ah, okay, yeah, well, that actually was pretty cool, lol.* I've learned from experience that once you miss reporting something big, it's impossible to go back and provide adequate coverage. Try summarizing the McLaren spy scandal and you'll see what I mean. Or try recording your impressions of your first grand prix a few months later. It just can't be done. Plus I'm sure you know all about it, how HONDA pulled their team from the grid when the pressure of the economy became unmanageable (wusses, all of them!) and several suspenseful months and possible buyers, Ross Brawn bought the team, christened it Brawn GP and brought it to testing with a respectable vehicle.

This whole mess is destined to become the national epic of Formula 1. India, you have the Mahabarta; the F1 community has the Brawnsaga. You could confuse it with mythology. It seems utterly improbable, as if it could never in a million years be real. But it is. Perhaps I should illustrate this tale of intrigue and try to relate it to you that way. I am already imagining Ross Brawn as a Herculean figure and the millions of ways I could illustrate Nick Fry (who is still loathsome in my eyes for his offenses against Super Aguri)..

Brawn is fast. Frighteningly fast. So says dear Felipe. However, Brawn's pace doesn't worry me. Mostly it's because we are Ferrari and we know how to build cars. I'm psyched that KERS has worked out so well for us. The first day that we ran it and nothing failed, god, I felt so good! Nothing feels quite so good as seeing your team perform. So no, I'm not going to lose much sleep thinking about how we stack up compared to Brawn. At least we are not McLaren..

For the first time in my history as an F1 fan, McLaren made me happy. This is largely because they gave me several opportunities to use the word "asshat," which is a word that has always made me chuckle. Let's run through some of the occasions, shall we?

1) McLaren tested poorly at Barca, then tried to tell us everything was fine. Asshats.
2) The next day, Martin Whitmarsh said, "Everything is fine. We have proven our pace." Yes, you certainly have - you've proven it's terrible. Asshats.
3) Lewis Hamilton says the next day, "Yeah, things are actually as bad as they look." Asshats!!

It does look like they've improved a little bit. I mean, they were faster in the last testing. Well, faster than Williams. Not terribly promising. Especially when Kaz Nakajima went faster than Kovalainen the next day..

Ah, all this blogging is making me feel so much better! I'll admit, I'm pretty ashamed with myself that I haven't been writing as much. Twelve posts so far this year is downright disgraceful. I've just felt in such a funk this winter. But that's all going to change in a few days time. Come Sunday there's going to be excitement again. Somewhere in the world where they get BBC coverage Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain" will play. Kimi Raikkonen will be on the grid with more motivation and less acne (information I have on good authority from James Allen)! Felipe Massa will be back and he will still be ageless and adorable! It should be a very good year..

Oh, details.

2009-02-18T20:25:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday, Enzo Ferrari! Today you are 111! Also dead. Oh, details.

Because Germans Are Not Joking!

2009-02-13T20:54:00.001-08:00

After receiving that very cordial invitation from my prof to visit him in Greece this summer, I've been doing a bit of research into the travel costs associated with that adventure. Wikipedia recommended I check out the "low-cost carrier" German Wings. I doubt I'll fly with them because I know I can find better prices on Easy Jet or Ryan Air. But I do love this:

Fabulous Friday!

2009-02-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

Here in Minneapolis, it's been another fabulous Friday. Sure, it may have been Friday the 13th (hiss!, boo!, yada, yada, yada), but that doesn't mean there can't be fantastic news. Firstly, the sandstorms have abated and testing resumed today in Bahrain, where Kimi Raikkonen trumped the lap times both Toyota and BMW in the F60. Ferrari on top, well, it's not surprising. But...

We were using the KERS! And nothing went wrong!

Oh, I'm having one of those Scuderia moments where I feel deliriously giddy and perilously close to fainting. I feel like some glowing angel with Jesus-like features is flying me very quietly over a mountain range somewhere in Austria (Oh, wait, that's called the Christkind, my bad)! Except this is even better than Christmas!*

It's just such a relief. Frankly, I've been nervous about KERS. How could I not be, what, will all the news that we were terribly behind schedule/struggling during the past several months.

Oh, but all this gets better, because I just learned today that my favorite British driver (Ant Davidson, of course!!) is getting a commentator's position on BBC Radio 5! Yes, I would love to see him get back in a car, but as that's not possible at the moment, this really is the next best thing. He's quite concise. Kijk even over dit filmpje!

Doesn't it just make you feel good inside?!

*NB: Apparently in Austria Santa Claus doesn't exist, just some radiant, stealthy Jesus angel called the Christkind. Weird, huh? Who thought that up?

Kimi Raikkonen is just not that kind of Pokémon!

2009-02-10T21:42:00.000-08:00

I was going through my profile pictures tonight on Facebook. Contrary to what you would expect, most of them are not, in fact, of me, but rather Kimi Raikkonen, Felipe Massa, the two of them together, or a fabulously sexy red car. Well, really, what did you expect?! Anyways, I stumbled across this in my album, and oh!, nothing takes me back more! I just love it!

Finding this also reminded me that I have not been consistently giving much love to Kimi Raikkonen. Yeah, a lot of this is probably linked to Felipe Massa's polarizing cuteness (and genuine skill behind the wheel!) easily eclipsing the Can't-Be-Bothered Raikkonen of 2008 in my mind. There were more than a few times last season that I would gladly have punched Kimi Raikkonen several times in the gut, had I been within swinging distance. Nonetheless, this revelation has left me much chagrined. At this point in time, I want nothing more than for Kimi to go out in Australia and trounce everyone (except for Felipe Massa, who I love dearly, and Sébastien Bourdais, because he seems a bit vulnerable at present). Essentially, I want him to do well so everyone stops saying he's shit, because frankly he's not. I had this conversation with my roommate the other day in which I voiced these outrages and concerns over Raikkonen's 2009 form. His reply follows.

It's like, 'Oh, Shitty Raikkonen's coming around again! Oh, here he comes. What a Slowbro!'

LOL all you like, but Kimi Raikkonen is just not that kind of Pokémon!

Also, it's smiling a bit too much.

Message of the Day - This Blog

2009-02-03T12:33:00.000-08:00

Would you like to read some blog posts.

I think they are written in a disjointed style.

But I thought they were funny.

So I am sharing them with you.

I would recommend reading the Message of the Day Posts..

A Matter of Great Scientific Importance.

2009-01-22T20:21:00.000-08:00

This is very interesting. Do read on.

Well, it's a simple solution..

2009-01-22T19:01:00.000-08:00

I Google a lot. I don't know if you were aware of this. Yes, I've Googled myself (no, there wasn't anything interesting). Yes, I've Googled my profs and coworkers (I found Stefano's wedding pics and my German teacher's Facebook page!). However, I also like to Google ways to make myself better.

Tonight, my query was, "Google, tell me 'how to be more personable and confident'." And what do they show me?

"Ronaldo confident of more personal awards this season"

Well, I guess the simple solution is to be Ronaldo..

No, in the good way!

2009-01-22T18:56:00.000-08:00

So it's like this:

The Austrians have invaded and are teaching my courses. They are both from Graz. One says "ja" a lot. The other looks like you put Heikki Kovalainen and Kimi Raikkonen in a blender, then arbitrarily put them back together with a hot glue gun and some pomade. In the really good way, though! I know it doesn't sound possible, but yeah, that's just how it is.

I hate when I come across things like this! It's my Normande coming out..

2009-01-21T12:56:00.000-08:00

On the train back, that wrong thing happened. The French are funny about the way they do public transportation. I’ve said a million times that it’s great and reliable, but they still don’t make much sense in how they do things. For example, we bought tickets that said “sit where you want” – which we did. But other people bought tickets that said “sit in seat X”. So naturally, every seat we sat in really belonged to someone else.

The French aren't "funny" about things. I mean, there is some sort of system. You sit where you want, provided it's not reserved! All you have to do is look at the little tags above the seat! Is it really that difficult? Stupid Americans..

It's not a tribute. I just want everyone to know he was a great guy.

2009-01-20T22:23:00.000-08:00

He sent me this once, among other things. I'll miss Nathan Melis talkin' here.

My Anthem


Love hides in the open world
on bright winter afternoons.

We call it blind
but just as soon find Love
drew our portrait
years before we met.

How do I greet you, Love?
There is no salutation, smile, kiss, hug
equal to the thin glove
you hold out for truth alone.

Yet if Love is stone
thought, movement, language, emotion, age
grow brittle as teeth.
Let Love leaf
organic and strange
from shady flexible branches.

Love dances on its own grave -
a common image -
but even Art must have the courage
to be sentimental.

ONE YEAR AGO, HISTORY WAS MADE!

2009-01-10T20:04:00.000-08:00

Today, January 10th, is the SCRUTINEERING'S ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

And we are damn pleased with ourselves!

FORZA FABIO!

2009-01-08T21:14:00.000-08:00

"This is Top Chef, it's not Top Scallops!" Ah, Fabio, a man after my own heart!

Ignore most of this post, as it's in French.

2008-12-22T20:03:00.000-08:00

When you read this, most of you are going to scoff at my ambitions.

I want to go to Europe, buy a car, and then drive around in it.

Yes, I am one of those people! But guys, it would be way cool! We could go anywhere we wanted to go! I found the perfect car. Check it out:


Description	Le vendeur assume l'entière responsabilité de la mise en vente de l'objet.

Caractéristiques de l'objet - Automobile
Région où se trouve la voiture:	Ile-de-France	Département:	Hauts-de-Seine (92)
Constructeur:	Mini	Etat:	Occasion
Modèle:	1300	Nombre de propriétaires précédents:	Plus de 2
Version:	--	Cylindrée:	1 275 cm3
Type:	Berline	Puissance:	50 ch(DIN)
Nombre de portes:	2	Emissions CO2:	--
Kilométrage (km):	104000	Boîte de Vitesse:	Manuelle
Année:	1994	Carburant:	Essence
Date de 1ère immatriculation:	03 Févr. 1994	Couleur:	Vert
Date du Contrôle Technique:	12 Déc. 2008	Peinture Métallisée:	Oui
Date expiration garantie constructeur:	--	Durée garantie occasion:	--
Nombre de places:	4	Véhicule utilitaire:	Non
Carnet d'entretien disponible:	Oui	Accès handicapés:	Non
Equipements de Sécurité:	--	Equipements Extérieurs:	Jantes alliage
Equipements Audio & Navigation:	Autoradio CD	Equipements de Confort:	Sellerie cuir, Surtapis, Toit ouvrant

VENDS MINI B.OPEN 1.3 CARBURATEUR "NOIR GRIS ARGENT"
TOIT OUVRANT ELECTRIQUE
JANTES ALUS 5X12 EQUIPEES 165/60/12 YOKO A539
SUSPENSION KAYABA DOUBLE EFFET GAS
KIT HI-LOW TIRANTS DE CHASSES REGLABLES
MECANIQUE ENTIERREMENT CONDITIONNEE
INTERIEUR CUIR BI/TON
SUPER PARE-CHOC AVANT ARRIERRE
TABLEAU DE BORD BOIS CHARCOAL
VOLANT SPORT FINITION CUIR
RADIO CD MP3
VEHICULE EXPERISE
CONTACT AU 0660033082
bbmini92@wanadoo.fr

Bad TV

2008-12-21T13:48:00.000-08:00

Ugh, I got sucked into bad TV again! This time it's The Real Housewives of Orange County. And yes, I just have to comment!

Gretchen, it's not just Jeff who holds it against you for knowing jackshit about the Indy Car community! I personally find it unconscionable!

I agree with the rest of the housewives: she's absolutely a bimbo. Ugh, I shouldn't be watching this show.

Finnish Swear Words and Other Fun Phrases I Found on the Internet (Part 2)

2008-12-17T15:41:00.000-08:00

Phrase:
Suksi vittuun.

Translation:
Go ski into a cunt.

Honestly, how did anyone even think that one up!?

Finnish Swear Words and Other Fun Phrases I Found on the Internet (Part 1)

2008-12-14T21:10:00.000-08:00

Phrase:
Tulee puukosta!

Translation:
I'll stab you (with traditional Finnish puukko-knife).

Okay, who the hell is that precise?!

Mm, both kind of crap drivers. Don't argue with me.

2008-12-11T22:35:00.000-08:00

Scrutineering Returns!

2008-12-11T15:45:00.000-08:00

Well, we're officially back! Honestly, blogging is hard. You've really got to work at it. When life throws too much stuff at you (i.e. work and school, but mostly work, dammit!), it's easy to get sidetracked. Then there is lots of catching up to do and all that jazz. There's so much that I want to say, yet somehow can't remember because it's just been too long. So if I miss something or comment on something really late, forgive me. I've been in such a rut after the championship. Really, it absolutely affected my mood! I'd be all blue and depressed thinking about F1 and some days even the thought of Ferrari couldn't cheer me up! Which is a terrifying feeling to have when you are as devoted to the Scuderia as I am. Additionally, Lewis Hamilton is somehow still everywhere, which means six out of seven days when I check Autosport or PlanetF1, I feel like I'm going to vom.

However, back to business. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna start with the big news, the really heavy-hitting events!

#1: I am going to Spa!

Oh, wait, were you expecting me to talk about HONDA withdrawing from F1? 'Cause we'll get to that. But since I've had Spa plans (and tickets, for that matter) since October and HONDA just dropped their bombshell last week, well, really, I think I get to go first.

Once I make up my mind to do something, it is hard to tell me 'no.' Sure, I might change my mind later on on my own plans, but most of the time I get an idea in my head and nothing can prevent me from following through. This time, it was Spa. It all came out of me needing to learn German and wanting to go to Stuttgart to study this summer. Since I don't start school next fall until September 9th or something ungodly late like that, I decided that I could conceivably be (semi-)irresponsible, go study in Germany, have a blast, etcetera, and hey, extend my stay in order to trot around Belgium. And since I was going to be in Belgium, why not mosey over to Spa and use my badass Dutch/F1 skills? So I bought the tickets. And wow, what tickets! Seriously, guys, I saved for months. Every penny. All my work money and tips. I did research on the best seats, best places to stand, best places to stay. And then I logged onto formula1.com and got grandstand seats at Eau Rouge. You can be jealous now.

However, all I can think about in my free time now is going to Spa. It may be eight months away, but I can't wait!

Probably more on this later. Now I've got to get to dinner.

Things You Did Not Know About Ryan Air (Mr. Extra Seat Edition)

2008-12-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

Can I purchase an extra seat for a large person?

Yes, large passengers can purchase an extra seat for comfort. To do this you should make a booking online for 2 seats and then enter the passenger name for the additional seat as Mr EXTRA SEAT. Alternatively you can contact our reservations department to do this.

Poll #11: Supposedly Pretty People: Nicole Scherzinger

2008-11-04T11:11:00.001-08:00

Letter to the Editor (Election Day Edition)

2008-11-04T07:22:00.001-08:00

In the off-season, I think I'm going to start doing a little something called "Letter to the Editor." If it sounds simple, well, that's because it really is. Simply send your questions about F1 (or anything, really; I know about a lot of stuff, haha!) to scrutineering@gmail.com, and I will post the responses here weekly.

In the spirit of Election Day, we're going to have an election-themed question, because surprisingly there is one of those on hand.

Well, maybe not too surprisingly: It's from my younger brother.

Grant writes,

Hypothetically, if Ferdinand Alfonzo [sic; lol!] could run for president, and it was either him or McCain, who would you vote for?

This was followed by a postscript which reads,

P.S. I'm from Britain
Worcester

Hypothetically, if I could vote for Fernando Alonso, yes, I probably would. Never mind that Alonso is not an American citizen, nor is he 35, has no idea whatsoever about how the United States Government works, and whose foreign policy experience is, well, being the Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF. Alonso would not be qualified to be the next president of the United States. But I would still vote for him because he's pretty darn cool. I don't plan on voting for McCain anyways, but it'd be like,

"Hey, John McCain, can you drive an F1 car? Ha, I thought not! That's why I'm voting for Fernando Alonso!"

Alonso would have to have a very good running mate, though. I've always imagined Mark Webber would be a good political figure. He's well-liked, well-spoken, and conscientious, and he looks a bit Kennedy-ish. However, he does tend to make that weird sad face all the time. Which is why Felipe Massa would be my other pick. Actually, Massa and Alonso are getting on rather well these days. And Massa, popular before, has now been virtually beatified (as he should be, because he's fantastic!) after this Sunday (although largely in Brazil, so I don't know how much that would influence the US election). He's also good at giving inspiring speeches (see my post from race day) and he has no truly embarassing vices (unless you count his race superstitions), arrests, or traffic infractions, a la Nelson Piquet or the Hamiltons.

So there you have it, Grant. Given the option to cast my ballot for Alonso and Massa, I certainly would. But since I can't, I'm off to vote for Barack Obama!

It's OVER!?

2008-11-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

Ahh, the 2008 season! It's officially over! Where did eighteen races go?!

Today when I checked formula1.com, I met up with the Countdown Clock... now counting down until 2009... I'd forgotten what a depressing sight that is.*

So, as of right now, 143 days, 15 hours, 22 minutes and 16 seconds until the Australian Grand Prix.

And now withdrawal sets in..

*(Oh, it's equally depressing have to read through all the articles singing Hamilton's praises. But I'm still doing it. Because there's nothing else to do for 143 days..)

2008-11-02T21:49:00.001-08:00

You may have noticed that image of jumbled words on my last post. It's a Wordle of Felipe Massa's most used words in his press conference responses.

Well, just for fun, I did a Wordle of Andrew Davies' "Winners and Losers" editorial column for Monaco 2008, the Grand Prix I attended this year. Click on it to see it larger!

A Gentleman Through and Through

2008-11-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

Today Felipe Massa did not become World Champion, missing out by one point to Lewis Hamilton in perhaps the most dramatic Grand Prix finish ever. Although Massa took the win at the Brazilian Grand Prix, Lewis Hamilton managed to pass Timo Glock in the final corners of the last lap to finish fifth and take the Driver's Crown.

In truth, I'd been dreading today since the Chinese Grand Prix. The outlook looked decidedly bleak. I knew deep down this might be this too long a shot.

But in the end, after the initial tears, I'm impressed with how calm I was. I realize this serenity may appear like resignation to "defeat"; as if I wasn't completely invested to supporting my squad this morning. But this isn't true. Obviously I wanted nothing more than for Felipe Massa to take the title. And for a brief moment, the chance was there. However, I can't be up in arms that we didn't take both titles, because realistically there is nothing more I could have asked for or expected from Felipe Massa and Ferrari. We ran the race we needed to run and had anything happened to Hamilton and McLaren, we would have been in the position to win. In the end, though, it was all down to Hamilton, whose finish dictated the final result.

I'm not shocked by the outcry against Timo Glock's (particularly untimely) slip in position during the final corners of the last lap, but I'm disappointed. I'd admonish tifosi to avoid unflattering anti-Glock sentiments. Let's be frank: it's unrealistic to expect a driver to exercise superhuman car control on dry tires in a downpour. And it's unfair to place the blame for Felipe Massa's heartbreaking loss squarely on the shoulders of Timo Glock. Glock's responsibility was and will always be to look after himself and his own race, and I personally find it unreasonable to lambast him for doing this.

Despite the fact that we didn't win the Driver's title, I'm proud of my team. Felipe was nothing but gracious in defeat (see his speeches below for details). Emotional, yes. It was painful to watch him this morning, in tears in the car, choking up on the radio to the team at the end. I couldn't believe he got through the podium. Whenever Kimi Raikkonen gives anyone a hug, you know the situation is serious (voila, a Kimi Raikkonen "hug," below).

(...and now for a real hug! I have to admit, this picture was a day-brightener. Everyone was so somber during the press conference. Alonso looked like he was going to be sick. Additionally, I have never seen Kimi Raikkonen look happier than Felipe Massa. It was kind of a shocker.)

To all those of you who don't think Massa would have been a worthy champion. Look at these pictures. This is a man who put everything into trying to win that title. And if you think differently, well, I have no words for you.

"I think you know the race was just perfect. We did everything fantastically with such a difficult weather. I am so proud about that race I am so proud about the team. I am so proud about the people around who support me more than ever, more than 100 percent, much more than I expected. That is really an emotional day for me. You always do everything perfect even with the temperature but we saw Lewis passing Glock again and that is really mixed a lot of emotions, but that is racing. The race finishes at the chequered flag. We finished in front and we have to be very proud of that, we missed one point but that is racing. We need to be proud about our job, we need to be proud about our race and our championship. I know how to win and I know how to lose. It is another day of my life. I will learn a lot from this day but I am very emotional. Everything perfect today and unfortunately it was not enough, and I think we did a great championship we had some ups and downs and we paid for that. There are races like that, sometimes you have a perfect year with so many victories and a very reliable car, sometimes you have ups and downs, that is racing. One year to the another many things change and that was our championship, but even if we have some ups and downs, I think everybody did a great job, everybody worked really hard to achieve our goals with the heart and sometimes thing don't happen in the way we want, but that is racing, that is the sport, but we need to be happy with our constructors' championship, it is very important. I am sure our president, everyone in the team is very proud, very happy like me - and we need to congratulate Lewis as he did a great championship, he scored more points than us so he deserves to be champion. I know how to lose, I know how to win and it is another day of my life where I will learn a lot. Hopefully we come back here with the title (next year), but it is part of our experience and part of our life."

Lewis Hamilton: Saying more words.

2008-10-31T06:49:00.000-07:00

"I think it's because he meant so much to me in my life when I was younger and coming up through the ranks. I can feel his presence. To be named in the same sentence as him is an honour. I don't aim to be or believe anyone can be another Ayrton Senna. He was one of a kind. But I aim to try to make him proud and be as good as he was one day."

Did you think it was Bruno Senna speaking these lines, someone I'd actually let get away with saying this? Well, if this is what you were thinking, sorry, but you're dead wrong.

Lewis Hamilton, there you go again!

However,

A Thought

2008-10-28T14:15:00.000-07:00

If I were to insist on AHUGA attending the "Masterpieces of the Louvre" exhibit at the MIA, would I spark the same type of division of which Stey-Stey speaks? Hmmmm, interesting..

The text message I find on my phone from my brother this morning..

2008-10-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

"Ferrari's are red, porsch's are blue,
Hamilton sucks... wat you gona do?
haha"

The Official Scrutineering Chinese Grand Prix Lap-to-Lap Report

2008-10-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

Well, it's the Chinese Grand Prix today. Here in Minneapolis, it's 1:40 am and the weather in China (as far as I can tell) looks overcast but dry, with a chance of Peter Windsor. I'd like to dedicate this lap-to-lap report to Speed's Bob Varsha, who is in Las Vegas right now covering the Barrett-Jackson something-or-other, read: "something-or-other which is definitely not as cool as the Chinese Grand Prix."

1:45: Changes to the grid position are as follow: Mark Webber (Red Bull) drops down to 16th position following an engine change, and Nick Heidfeld will start from 9th on the grid after faulting DC in qualifying yesterday.

1:50: They're showing me Felipe Massa! And now a vignette of all the terrible things that McLaren has done to Ferrari. And all the terrible things that have happened to Ferrari.

2:00: Formation lap is just getting underway. Fernando Alonso, who I have come to love (while inebriated - I don't think I can have any original opinion on Alonso unless I am drunk), is 4th on the grid. I love it! I feel like I have three drivers in a row separateing Hamilton and Kovalainen. Try and help Lewis now, Heikki! Ha!

1:52: Now they have a "Who wants it less?" chart. It's making me sad! If Bob Varsha was here, he'd say something excellent, as he possesses an exemplary vocabulary!

1:55: Win or lose, I'm having a Ferrari party/brawl. There's going to be vodka. And Brazilian food. And a party remix of the Italian national anthem. And I'm going to take the fight to a pinata shaped like Ron Dennis' head.

1:57: Yes, that's right. I may have just referred to Luca di as "the newest cannonized saint." Yes, he has that much integrity.

56: HAM, RAI, MAS hold position, Alonso and KOV scrapping for fourth.

55: Rain expected around lap 14. Hamilton pulling away.

I can't keep this up! I've gotta watch! Check back in later!

CB: UGH, smug Lewis is pulling out a lead over my Ferraris. Alonso has just stated over the radio "I can go as fast as the Ferrari!" which is both silly and not encouraging, and Jarno Trulli is out of the race after a collision at the start with Seb Bourdais.

49: Can it be Kimi Time right away? I needz it. :(

48: +7.311 second lead from Hamilton to Massa. SAD.

47: Webber and Piquet duke it out. Piquet was bringing it to him!! For a minute... In other areas, Massa's tyres are lookin' good. Hope to God Lewis bins it. Ugh, smug, arrogant jerk.

46: Raikkonen's now running a little faster than Hamilton. That would be bitchin' if he could catch him.. And it's Fastest Lap Kimi, complete with adorable blue eyes! :) (Yes, I can be girly sometimes and go nuts over his cute eyes.)

45: Fastest sector times all around for Hamilton, Massa, and Raikkonen!

44: Hamilton's gone sideways. Hope he's doing a number on those tyres... Jerk!

42: Massa in pits! Go, boys, go! Whew, no mistakes.
Alonso pits, as well. BBFLS! Hamilton coming in to pit.
Sutil! Sutil! Stalled at exit to turn 16!
Yay, clean stop Raikkonen! Sweet-ass!

41: Sutil is out. :( Oh, nee!

40: Kovalainen inherits race lead.

39: Heidfeld in pits. 8.3 seconds! REjoins in front of Glock.
ARRGH, I hate Lewis Hamilton.
Just took a drink. Hopefully that kick-starts Kimi time.

38: Kovalainen pits, as does Vettel. Kovalainen does NOT beat Alonso onto the track. YESSSS! But oh NEE, it looks hazy. Rain would suck lots.

CB: Cute Ferrari pic!

35: Heikki has six laps more fuel than Alonso. Hmmm. Alonso's hands look funny. Massa is looking slow, despite being lighter. I'm nervous. I'm very nervous. I'm downright scared.

34: Kubica on a two-stop strategy.

33: Flav is right. No one wants Hamilton to win. No one in their right mind.

32: You just happened to get a good car. You don't live in Afghanistan or Pakistan. What the HELL are we talking about SPEED?

31: Guys, there are like six more Ferrari pit stops this season. After this season ends I have to fins something to do with myself until THE END OF MARCH 2009! What am I gonna do!? I may have to take up knitting or scrapbooking. Ew.

29: Kimi Time dance! Arm waving!

28: I am PUMPED to beat the shit out of the that Ron Dennis pinata.

27: Massa needs to catch up with Kimi. Please. Please, guys. I can't afford to cry myself to sleep tonight.

CB: For realz, I know a lot about F1. Maybe too much. Okay, way too much. I m more invested in F1 than I am in most things. I know more about what's going on in F1 politics than I do in real politics. And that's why it's so important to this tifosi for Lewis Hamilton to not win.

24: Improper hand gestures by Kimi Raikkonen! That's right, flip the V to Fisi! Grrr, don't make my cars lose seconds!

22: Kovalainen lagging behind, as usual. McLaren must be kicking themselves. They coulda had Nick Heidfeld.

21: Heikki has tyre blow-out! Coming in to pit. Tyre fail! Down to 17th.

20: Alonso pits. MANDATES!

20: Felipe, I love ya. Just so you know.

CB: Cute picture of Felipe Massa FTW!

18: Ferraris and Ham-boy have pitted. Felipe's gained ground on Kimi. Down to just over 3 second gap!

17: Come on, Fi! Drive the wheels off that F2008, the prettiest car on the grid!

16: Massa needs a blue shell, says Mark. I think he needs a hug. *HUG*

15: Brake dust and disc glow on the McLaren. Maybe the wheels will just fall off. Fall off right now. Or turn into JELLY BEANS!

CB: Cute Felipe pic! Again!

12: A few laps left. Mm, I dunno, but push, push, push!

11: David Hobbs is making fun of Ferrari and team orders. Shut it! (But it's okay, because I like Hobbs.)

8: We're super close together! Ferrari, that is. :)

7: Felipe just passed Kimi. Thanks, Kimi. You are so nice. :) *HUGS!* Kovlainen pits again? Nope, he's parking it!

CB: Cute pic of Kimi Raikkonen, for bein' so nice!

4: Four laps left. Suspicions that Raikkonen may have a problem? And the conspiracy theories fly.. Ugh.

3: 16.285 s lead over Massa for Hamilton. Grrr. Massa will leave China for Brazil seven points behind Hamilton. Grrrr.

2: Why can't someone good win? Why can't Lewis just lose the tyres? WHY?!

1: Well, it's now or never. That McLaren needs to find its way into the wall or a gravel trap.

FLAG: Provisional Race Results.

1) HAM
2) MAS
3) RAI
ALO
HEI
KUB
GLO
PIQ
VET
COU
BAR
NAK
BOU
WEB

Argh, China!

2008-10-18T00:29:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching qualifying which didn't go as well as I would have liked, but (as always) it could have been far worse. Here's a mess of qualy times:

01 L. Hamilton McLaren 1:36.303
02 K. Räikkönen Ferrari 1:36.645
03 F. Massa Ferrari 1:36.889
04 F. Alonso Renault 1:36.927
05 H. Kovalainen McLaren 1:36.930
06 M. Webber Red Bull 1:37.083
07 N. Heidfeld BMW 1:37.201
08 S. Vettel Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:37.685
09 J. Trulli Toyota 1:37.934
10 S. Bourdais Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:38.885
11 N. Piquet jr. Renault 1:35.722
12 R. Kubica BMW 1:35.814
13 T. Glock Toyota 1:35.937
14 R. Barrichello Honda 1:36.079
15 N. Rosberg Williams 1:36.210
16 D. Coulthard Red Bull 1:36.731
17 K. Nakajima Williams 1:36.863
18 J. Button Honda 1:37.053
19 A. Sutil Force India F1 1:37.730
20 G. Fisichella Force India F1 1:37.739

Yes, there's smug Lewis at the top. I have never seen Felipe Massa look so angry. Yikes. Honestly, I think if he could have left he could have. It was as if he and Kimi Raikkonen had switched personalities. When they cut back to Hamilton at the end of the post-qualifying press conference, Kimi Raikkonen just started to smirk to himself for no reason. And whilst I was wondering what could be so funny, Felipe Massa sinisterly/gloomily pulls out a gigantic can of Red Bull and stares down the camera during a good thirty second long gulp, then slowly put it back under the table: "Yeah, I want a drink. And your water's not good enough. So watch me drink this Red Bull. So there."

It was too funny.

I have a little nervous for tomorrow..

Fernando Alonso has grown on me.

2008-10-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

Fernando Alonso is a hero. Here's why.

I didn't know!

2008-10-09T16:29:00.000-07:00

My name's in the Department Newsletter! I didn't know! I was reading along and all of a sudden, "Hey, that's me!!"

"Undergraduate majors EMILY KAHL and NATALIE GLEASON were this year's recipients of the Patricia and Kenneth Puffer Art History Scholarships, which provided funding for them to attend the May term courses in, respectively, Paris and Rome."

What a shock that was!

It's so true!

2008-10-08T17:39:00.000-07:00

Tell her she's crazy.

2008-10-08T13:14:00.001-07:00

Had a short, low-key Directed Study meeting today. It was ten minutes long: five minutes about reading about Rubens and five minutes about the debate last night. Once again I was urged to vote and to vote for Obama because no one in their right mind would vote for John McCain. So I told him my sister was voting for McCain. To which he replied, "Are you close to her? Can you change her mind?"

And my favorite:

"Call your sister. Tell her she's crazy!"

I laughed so hard.

Can it be hugs time?

2008-10-07T08:16:00.000-07:00

I fell asleep last night, sick and utterly exhausted and somehow managed to get some rest. Not my intent! Malheureusement, this ensured that I did not finish my paper for Age of Empire. As a result, I may be crucified by Cathy Asher when I turn it in late tomorrow (well, maybe not, but who knows?). Today I'm still sick. I've got another paper due tomorrow. And it's raining. To top it all off, Bernie Ecclestone axed the Canadian Grand Prix. What could make this day worse!?

Perhaps the fact that I got half of a Cherry Poptart stuck in my toaster?

To hell with anonymity.

2008-10-06T21:48:00.001-07:00

This is the first ever photo of me to go onto a post! So if you've been wondering what I look like, well, here I am.

Just realized...

2008-10-02T23:17:00.001-07:00

..that we haven't seen this in a while! Excuse me, I have to go pass out because of cute overload.

OH (HELLS) NEE!

2008-10-02T22:39:00.000-07:00

I'm a student and I work hard; harder than most. This semester, my schedule's booked solid with eighteen (18) credits. I'm taking both my 5000-level ARTH courses this semester, have facilitated an additional 5000-level Directed Study which requires me to compose a lengthy, rather involved paper and I've got my Major Paper on my plate as well. As if the Major Paper alone wasn't enough to contend with, I've got to write the whole darn thing in one semester since my adviser is on a phased retirement schedule and won't be around in the Spring. In light of all this, I've practically moved into the Flemish Art section at Wilson and have been lugging around a little over half of the Corpus Rubenianum. Oh, and I run AHUGA too! As taxing as my academic endeavours may be, I'm relatively happy with how my undergraduate program is turning out. But there's just one little thing...

Yet again I received a text message from my boss. She wants me to come in at 5:45 am tomorrow because she "feels awful and could really use the sleep." She has graciously volunteered to come in at 8:00 am when I am scheduled to arrive ("pfff, what does Emily need sleep for?").

Scroll back up and read the above paragraph. I'm already tacking a 30 hour work week onto that school schedule, against my will. 20 hours? Exactly what I wanted. 25? Steep, but managable. 30? Outrageous. Ludicrous. No, no, no! I'm putting my foot down. Will I go in early tomorrow?

HELLS NEE!

Today's Haps in F1: Just a few sentences

2008-10-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

McLaren is braggy, Luca di, benevolent*, and Ross Brawn's newest obsession is Nick Heidfeld. Poor Rubens!

*Seriously, what a great guy. Refuses to name that mechanic.

I MANDATE that you love Felipe Massa. Or at least that you respect him.

2008-09-30T19:35:00.001-07:00

What are you doing right now? Nothing of importance. Direct your eyes to this Pitpass article immediately.

F1 is a total headfuck..

2008-09-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

Allow me to be rather blunt: F1 is a total headfuck. One minute you feel like you're on top of the world, the next as if you've been sucker-punched simultaneously by the entire paddock population. It's impossible to describe how ludicrous, surreal, and utterly crushing Singapore was. In the opening laps (in adherance to the dogma of Domenicalisme), I was feeling cautiously optimistic. Two hours later, however, I was wrapped up in bed in my Ferrari flag, unable to do anything but laugh till I cried at the memory of Massa's Ferrari rocketing down the pitlane with the fuel hose slithering after it, looking for all the world like a bright red dragon.

How on Earth could I laugh about something like that? Nothing about that fiasco was remotely amusing. But the whole incident was so bizarre... looking back it was almost comical. What transpired was so horribly wrong that it just didn't seem possible that it could actually could have taken place.

Yes, as you may have gleaned from my posts two weeks ago (depending on how astute/patient you were), the Singapore Grand Prix fell apart for Ferrari during Massa's first pitstop. Somehow someone gave Massa the green and... well, we're all aware of what happened next. I won't name any names, as I know how distraught and guilty that person must feel (also because I have no name to give because Luca di won't tell us who it was).

Unfortunately, this deplorable event led to a drive-through penalty for Massa (unsafe release) ensuring he'd finish outside the points. Yet again Kimi Raikkonen put the car in the wall mere laps from the chequers while running in fourth. And these combined saw Felipe drop seven points behind Lewis Hamilton in the WDC standings and Ferrari lose the lead in the fight for the Constructor's title.

Well, the start of the 2008 Japanese Grand Prix is exactly thirty-five minutes away. I've had my pre-race drink. My pockets are stuffed with Jolly Ranchers. And I'm nervous. Although Kimi's second on the grid, Felipe's not quite were I'd like him to be (he qualified fifth, rather than first). We've brought back the lollipop man of old in favor of the light system, but whenever we have to pit, I get so nervous..

Anyways, time to head over to Mark's friend's place. Forza Ferrari; forza Felipe; Kimi.

Question?

2008-09-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

While I'm still tipsy, I wanna know...

Reader in Hopkins, who are you? Do I know you? Because you read a lot. And that pleases me immensely. :) So thanks!

Podium...

2008-09-28T07:12:00.000-07:00

Did they just call him "Flava Flav?" Because I would laugh at that all day.

Also, Hamilton, Sr., don't manhandle my driver's family! Your son already makes his son significantly uncomfortable!

Alonso; The Marseillaise

2008-09-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'll admit. I'm happy for Alonso. He's a determined guy. So, well, done. Maybe, (just maybe) I might bury the hatchet with you, Eyebrow Man.

Oh, i just had a moment... "Why the hell are they playing the Marseillaise?" Because Renault's a French team. Duhh...

ARGH!

2008-09-28T07:06:00.001-07:00

OMG, Kimi did put the car in the wall. At exactly the wrong time. :( Should had drunk the whole litre this morning.

Singapore: Lap by lap (If you like rambling and partisanship, this post is for you!)

2008-09-28T05:21:00.000-07:00

51) Massa still lookin' good, despite lodged debris. Raikkonen catching up on Lewser. Catch him, Kimi!

51) Hamilton possibly fryin' the tyres. Let's hope.

50) Raikkonen drives "a stout lap." Thanks, David Hobbs. :)

CB (Commercial Break): Some highlights so far? Kazu's keeping Fernando behind him masterfully. Both he and Rosberg have gone past Trulli (which is kinda sad for me, but also kinda happy. I love both Trulli and Rosberg). Massa still keeping Hamilton well behind him.

49) Alonso in the pits. Raikkonen still hunting down Hamilton. Reel him in, Kimi! Ive got a vodka Red Bull in my hand for you. Yeah, that's right, it is only 7:27 am.

48) Massa resets fast lap. +7.230s lead over Hamilton.

48) Bourdais runs off. :(

47) Piquet into the wall. Is he gonna freak out!? No, but what does he say?: "Sorry, guys." Barichello in and the Red Bulls are stackin'.

46) Berndt Maylander is running around the track. Pit lane's closed. Piquet's out of the car and heading for the exit. Run, Nelsinho, run! Rosberg in; will have to take a penalty. Good stop. For fuel... or a puncture?

46) Barichello is out. Mech problem or outta fuel? Was gonna say a DNF'd be bad for his hopes to keep his race seat, but since FA's staying at Renault..

45) Kubica has to refuel under safety car. 10s time penalty.

45) Barichello is pushed back to the pits. We see Stefano Domenicali. I love him. Wish I could marry him.

45) I'm buzzed, guys. Had that drink and a shot.

45) Might start seeing stacking. But the lane's open now!

44) Massa pits! Go, go, Fi!

44) Raikkonen in. Felipe drives off with fuel hose! Fuel hose is jammed! Under SC again. Car may be close to overheating! The last thing we need!

44) Felipe finally out. Will the engine be okay, though!? It's the light system. Shit. Shit. Shit.

43) Hamilton out ninth? What's going on?

43) Rosberg first behind safety car, followed by Trulli, Fisi in third. Kubica practically leading. Bourdais pits.

43) FUCK.

43) Massa +8.545 behind leader. So pissed. And at Ferrari no less. That makes me sad.

41) Hamilton is gonna say words. And that makes me sad too.

41) Can we possibly get Massa a Bullet? Mario Kart Singapore, anyone? Runs wide on paint. :( At least the engine is holding up.

CB: Guys! Why!? Why does this happen? Are you kidding me?! !!! Also, I'm pretty much totally drunk atm.

39) Rosberg still leads.

39) Massa under investigation. Penalty imminent. :( Rosberg may be penalised too.

38) Kubica gonna get a penalty for refueling under SC.

38) Drive-through for Massa. Sad! Fi, you're still my fave.

37) I want Ferrari to get it together. At least for the rest of the season. And DEFINITELY for next season.

37) Massa takes his DT. Now go, go, go!!!

37) Nico has stop-go penalty. Needs to push. Could he win this?

36) Hamilton still in 8th. Could he just crash out, please? Stuff it, you dolt!

36) This whole thing is good for Alonso. Fuck, why do I now have sympathy for Alonso!? This day just gets harder and harder. Am not gonna cry today, though.

CB: Kimi's still back in 15th. Should I drink more? Rosberg's got 19.4s on Fisi. So minus the stop-go, that puts him where? Ugh.

34) Kubica in for stop-go penalty.

34) Massa behind Bourdais. Is teh uber sad.

34) Webbo off. Loses four positions. Hamilton up to 8th now. Fuck him!!

33) Renault tells us, "Fernando, we're not 100% sure what's happening." Lol. Nico in for penalty? I dunno...

33) Rosberg rejoins in fourth after Alonso. Yay!

32) Hamilton on DC's gearbox. Sadness.

32) Fisi pits. DC, take Lewis out! I will give you eight pennies!

32) Fisi adds a ton of fuel. Raikkonen up to 13th, Massa up to 16th.

32) Webbo retires. May have broken something on the kerb.

31) Trulli is race leader. At least I can rejoice in that. He's up ten spots.

30) In case anyone cared, Jenson Button is in tenth; our funnyman Kovalainen in 11th. I don't really know why he's the funnyman. I'm pretty drunk.

30) Massa passed by Kubica for 15th. :(

30) Fi pits. Go, go, go, hun!

30) If Massa has engine problems, that's bad. We've already used our free engine change. Oh, wait, Bob Varsha just told me he gets his next one for next race.

29) Trulli sets fast lap! Massa needs a safety car. Seb, could you provide one?

29) Hamilton up to 5th. Wanna punch him in the FACE. Trulli pits, btw. Going onto the super softs. Comes out ahead of Kaz in 8th. Kaz gets him, but Trulli fights back.

28) Alonso leads. He met a possum? Well, good for him!

CB: Fact: Actually, no possums are present. Maybe that gopher can come for Hamilton's tyre now. Any gophers vacationing in Singapore, please report to the track.

25) Alonso could win. I think he's an ass.

24) :( Hamilton in 4th. God, can you just smite him!? Or Kimi, can you put the car in the wall? Please?

23) Kaz pipped Trulli? Qu'est-qui se passe?

CB: Kimpaa pipped Trulli. Thanks, you. I'm talking to Matt. I miss him. So Matt, if you're reading this, I miss you much. I hope you have fun in Bologna. Eat some pates bolognese for me. :)

21) Rosberg in 7th. Alonso getting pret to pit. Could actually win this one. Would I be happy? I dunno! Maybe! Argh!

20) Alonso in. 7.6s pitstop. Smmooth.

20) DC! FUCK YOU! Hamilton now in 2nd. You bastard! Both of you!

20) Hamilton still has to pit. Bin it, you idiot!

19) More fuel rig shit for DC. More mechanics go down. That poor Ferrari guy. For realz, first hit by Kimi, then jerked around by Massa; now DC's guy takes a beating.

19) McLaren International is made up of a bunch of heartless, cold robots. And stop thinking you're a football team. Call yourself McLaren-Mercedes and stop putting on airs.

18) Kimppa in 6th. Does he need to pit again?

18) Kimi, I wanna see your late race push! Now! Now! NOW!

17) Kimi in 4th. I love you! You're my Finnish guy! Please do well!

CB: Why can't I major in F1? I know so much. I really would love to work in that sector of industry. What is it? Tertiary, military, F1? I don't think that's right..

14) Brakes going bad for DC. Whatever happened to Vettel?

13) Glock to 5th and my buddy Vettel in 7th.

13) Kovi fastest through Speed Trap.

12) Kimi in 3rd? Is he one-stopppin'? J'ais pas.

12) Kimppa has to stop. :( SADDDDDD. Need a good stop, Ferrari, don't fail me again.

11) Trulli fucks up a bit in Anderson Bridge. Kimi Raikkonen in pits. He's so hot. Please, guys, gimme some fuel well.

11) Ugh, HamBoy in 3rd, Kimi 6th. But we're a Ferrari, let's get it done!

10) Massa needed a safety car. And he makes one. Massa hits wall, Sutil follows him. Still love you, Fi. You're my hero.

CB: Did Sutil lock up? Well, at any rate, he cocked-up. What's going on? This is difficult to follow when you are inebriated.

NB:Don't mix yourself a 50/50 drink at 7:00 am.. It'll fuck you up and you'll cry when your team fucks up.

There are people at my house. I only know like two of them. It's hard to be myself and watch the race like I normally would. You know I've got this Ferrari passion going on. Let's look at the bright side, though. We could walk away with the constructor's championship.

BUT IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!!

09) RAI in 5th. Mwah!

09) I loves Kimi. Go, Alonso, go! Hamilton right on Rosberg's gearbox.

8) There's no one I hate more than Lewis Hamilton.

08) Kimi, get that TOYOTA! TOYOTA! TOYOTA!

07) Okay, maybe I might throw support behind dear Ferdinand (:)).

04) Three laps left. Hold off Hamilton, Nico!!

04) Kimi into the wall. FUCK. THIS. SHIT. :( All bets are off on my crying. Yeah, I am definitely gonna bawl. :(

03) Ferrari will now be behind McLaren in the constructor's championship. 135 to 134. :(

01) Alonso's bagged it, unless something goes terribly wrong. Good on ya, boy-o.

FLAG: Provisional Results:

01) Alonso
02) Rosberg
03) Hamilton
GLO
VET
HEI
COU
NAK
BUT
KOV
KUB
BOU
MAS
FIS

Alonso! He's hand-talking! Whoa, I never knew he was one!

Why do you do this to me?!

2008-09-28T05:17:00.001-07:00

Well, here I am, sitting at my house watching Singapore!! Great start by Massa. Pulling away from Hamilton, but he just ran right over some debris. I thought we established that was bad!!!!

Again,

Felipe, debris is BADD!

DeBATE! And I love Singapore!!!!

2008-09-26T19:06:00.000-07:00

OMMMMMG!!!!!! WAZIRISTAN. It's right here! Reader from Pakistan, are you from Waziristan!? I'm watching John McCain speak! OMGGGGG! He's so old! Not gonna vote for him. And he said "2/4ths of Juy ago." That's weird. I'm eatin' some Finn Crispzzz because tomorrow is Kimi Raikkonen VODKA FOOD DINNER! Earlier this evening, I said Kimi RAIKKONEN was in Finland. Welllll, he's in SINGAPORE. Whhopps. Speaking of Singapore, I'm super excited. Not about Hamilton. Lame ass.

Now we're talking about Vladimir Putin. I'm gonna go for a walk!

Forza Ferrari; forza Felipe; forza Kimi; forza Obama! Obama has not mentioned the Crimea. BITCHIN'!

Possibilites.

2008-09-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

I'm fairly sure you are all aware that I'm going to be graduating next winter (Dec 2009). As a result, I'll have about nine months before I can commence with grad school. You may also be aware that I've been researching possible activities to occupy myself with. Il y'en a cinq:

1) Be an au pair. Watch kids, make money, live in Europe.
2) Teach English. Talk to kids, make money, live in Europe.
3) Stay here and work. Make money while wishing I were living in Europe (this is obviously not ideal).
4) Get an internship abroad. Maybe make money, while living in Europe.
5) Go to school in Belgium, the Netherlands, Italy, or Germany. Learn things; live in Europe.

Appeal Day (Wordy Version)

2008-09-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

The other day someone told me they were "morally opposed" to the movie Death Race because they absolutely could not support its... well, badness. Well, I'm morally opposed to Hamilton winning his appeal Spa chicane appeal in Paris. I hope to God he doesn't. First of all, how can he even appeal this? Drive-through penalties are strictly unappealable (which apparently is not a word: did I mean "unappetizing?" No, I didn't). And people claim Ferrari get special treatment (which is a load of rubbish IMHO)! This appeal is totally unadmissable! If Hamilton wins, he'll have flouted the rules. Secondly, I am a bit miffed that he was so rude to Nigel Tozzi!

"Are you a racing driver? No!"

How disrespectful! And terribly presumptuous! I don't care if you're a driver and he's not! That doesn't make you somehow more right!

The FIA committee needs to stand firm. One of them (preferably Thierry Juillard, because he sounds like a nice old guy) needs to stand up and say, "Bitch, please!"

Appeal Day

2008-09-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Imprecise. Arrogant. Overrated.
Lewis Hamilton: Wrong for F1.

(Sorry guys, I just watched an Al Franken commercial.)

A reminder.

2008-09-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

For the past several months, my apartment has been anti-Hamilton space. And it's going to stay that way! No ifs, ands, or buts...

Hmmph.

2008-09-21T15:10:00.000-07:00

OMG, I am seriously craving a Kinder Bueno right now.. They're just so good!

Once I post it, it's not secret any more. But until then, no peeking!

2008-09-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

Oh, while we're on the subject of tipsiness...!

"Kimi Raikkonen (Finnish) Vodka Food Dinner" next weekend!

You know you love this blank stare - be there or be square, mi amici!

(But seriously, if you really want in, lemme know and I'll hook you up with the time and place. No crazies though and above all NO HAMILTON FANS!)

Joe will like this most because in it Kimi Raikkonen sounds smart.

2008-09-20T20:58:00.000-07:00

"It's not over yet, but now it will take a miracle, one that makes lightning strike twice."

Kimi Raikkonen has finally admitted that he's more or less out of the running for the championship and hearing that straight from the horses mouth makes me a little sad. However, in a way I may be a little relieved. Maybe now Raikkonen will know he should be there when needed to assist Massa in winning the title. Of course, that means he'll have to be there, which means we absolutely have to sort out the tyre issues (lack of grip) to get both cars back to running consistently at the front... I don't wanna lose, guys! Oh, dears, I think I'm tipsy.. Here are some picz because I'm too muddled to type anymore.

Poll #10: Hobbies!!: I need one.

2008-09-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

Just now I had a sobering thought: In about a month and half, I'm going to go into severe F1 withdrawal. If you thought it was bad last year, what's it going to be like this season? That's right, it's going to be approximately thirty-two times worse.. So...

Kimi Raikkonen, you're a huge dork!

2008-09-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

“I don’t know what time the race is. Is it in the evening? Good."

OMG, a night race in the evening?! Who'd'a thunk? Honestly, when else was it gonna be? Lol, Kimi Raikkonen, you are a huge dork.

Poll #9: Fashion?...: Shirt Query

2008-09-16T09:48:00.001-07:00

Just realized I haven't posted a poll for a while. So here you go, Poll #9.

MN: Not part of FR

2008-09-15T19:00:00.001-07:00

Monaco is not in France and people would do well to remember that fact.

What/where is Monaco?

Monaco is a small principality located approximately 20 km from Nice, FR. Although it is situated within the borders of France, Monaco is nevertheless a sovereign country governed by a constitutional monarchy, not Nicolas Sarkozy.

Despite the fact that French is the official language of Monaco, Monaco is not part of France.

Even though Monaco is serviced by France's national rail system (SNCF), it is incorrect to assert that the city-state is governed by the French national government.

Although Monaco was indeed under French control immediately following the French Revolution, the principality has been independent from France since 1861.

Monaco is a tax haven (no income tax is collected), a fact which distinguishes it from France where citizens are required to pay income tax annually.

In conclusion, (you've guessed it!) Monaco is not France!

Walking directions to Bologna, Italy: 226 km – about 1 day 23 hours

2008-09-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

Minneapolis-Milan via Chicago over New Year's? $514, bitches! Matt, can we come visit, lol!?

Candy's good too..

2008-09-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

First, I have to congratulate Sebastian Vettel, because that was a monster drive.* But, since I'm first and foremost a Ferrari fan...

Yesss! Felipe! You drove in the wet! You didn't spin! You didn't let Lewis by! You were great!

*Note: Do not confuse Sebastian Vettel's "monster drive" with this monster drive. They are of somewhat different natures.

Vettel Wins at Monza, Massa holds off Hamilton

2008-09-14T06:28:00.001-07:00

Sebastian Vettel took his first victory at Monza this morning, becoming history's youngest F1 winner. The 21-year-old Toro Rosso driver was faultless this weekend, starting from pole position and extending a dominant lead over McLaren's Heikki Kovalainen over the course of 53 laps. Kovalainen crossed the line 12.512 s behind he German to take second place while BMW's Robert Kubica rounded out the podium.

Farther down the standings, Felipe Massa finished 2/10ths of a second ahead of Lewis Hamilton to claim sixth place, closing the gap in the title fight to a single point.

Ferrari's Kimi Raikkonen was unable to work his way up the grid, finishing outside the points for the third grand prix in a row. The Finn achieved fastest lap on lap 53, his eighth of the season.

PROVISIONAL RACE RESULTS

The Italian Grand Prix
Autodromo di Monza, Italy;
53 laps; 306.720km;
Weather: Wet.

Classified:

Pos  Driver        Team                      Time
1.  Vettel        Toro Rosso-Ferrari    (B)  1h26:47.000
2.  Kovalainen    McLaren-Mercedes      (B)  +    12.512
3.  Kubica        BMW Sauber            (B)  +    20.471
4.  Alonso        Renault               (B)  +    23.903
5.  Heidfeld      BMW Sauber            (B)  +    27.748
6.  Massa         Ferrari               (B)  +    28.816
7.  Hamilton      McLaren-Mercedes      (B)  +    29.012
8.  Webber        Red Bull-Renault      (B)  +    32.048
9.  Raikkonen     Ferrari               (B)  +    39.468
10.  Piquet        Renault               (B)  +    54.445
11.  Glock         Toyota                (B)  +    58.888
12.  Nakajima      Williams-Toyota       (B)  +  1:02.015
13.  Trulli        Toyota                (B)  +  1:05.954
14.  Rosberg       Williams-Toyota       (B)  +  1:08.635
15.  Button        Honda                 (B)  +  1:13.370
16.  Coulthard     Red Bull-Renault      (B)  +     1 lap
17.  Barrichello   Honda                 (B)  +     1 lap
18.  Bourdais      Toro Rosso-Ferrari    (B)  +     1 lap
19.  Sutil         Force India-Ferrari   (B)  +    2 laps

Fastest lap: Raikkonen, 1:28.047

Not classified/retirements:

Driver        Team                      On lap
Fisichella    Force India-Ferrari   (B)    12


World Championship standings, round 14:          

Drivers:                    Constructors:             
1.  Hamilton      78        1.  Ferrari               134
2.  Massa         77        2.  McLaren-Mercedes      129
3.  Kubica        64        3.  BMW Sauber            117
4.  Raikkonen     57        4.  Renault                41
5.  Heidfeld      53        5.  Toyota                 41
6.  Kovalainen    51        6.  Toro Rosso-Ferrari     27
7.  Alonso        28        7.  Red Bull-Renault       26
8.  Trulli        26        8.  Williams-Toyota        17
9.  Vettel        23        9.  Honda                  14
10.  Webber        20 
11.  Glock         15 
12.  Piquet        13 
13.  Barrichello   11 
14.  Rosberg        9 
15.  Nakajima       8 
16.  Coulthard      6 
17.  Bourdais       4 
18.  Button         3

USE YOUR HEAD - THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME

2008-09-14T06:25:00.001-07:00

FELIPE! WHY? DEBRIS. DEBRIS. IS. BADD. Watch that shit..

Rawr!

2008-09-14T06:23:00.001-07:00

OMG, kan je even believe it?! GO, Vettel, GO!

Hooray, Ferrari!/I was tricked into tolerating Fernando Alonso!

2008-09-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

Tough luck, Fernando Alonso, Kimi Raikkonen is not retiring in 2009! Far from it: he got a contract extension for 2010! Ah, I'm so happy! I get to hang onto my team!! What's the downside to this? I got tricked into tolerating (aah, perhaps even liking) Fernando Alonso! Yikes!

I woulda missed this..

This post about Monza has a lot of parentheses, pictures, and some guy named "Ferdinand Alfonzo"?...

2008-09-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

OMG, Monza is gonna be nuts! It's crazy wet there right now and thunderstorms have been wreaking havoc on practice and qualifying! Check these out! Yeah, that's what the paddock looked liked during Prac One on Friday...

Now imagine what it must be like to drive in that! Apparently, it's been nearly impossible, especially at the Ascari chicane where aquaplaning seems to have been the order of the weekend. In light of the conditions, the running order has been a tad out of whack. Let's have a look at qualy times, shall we?

Times
01 S. Vettel Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:37.555
02 H. Kovalainen McLaren 1:37.631
03 M. Webber Red Bull 1:38.117
04 S. Bourdais Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:38.445
05 N. Rosberg Williams 1:38.767
06 F. Massa Ferrari 1:38.894
07 J. Trulli Toyota 1:39.152
08 F. Alonso Renault 1:39.751
09 T. Glock Toyota 1:39.787
10 N. Heidfeld BMW 1:39.906
11 R. Kubica BMW 1:36.697
12 G. Fisichella Force India F1 1:36.698
13 D. Coulthard Red Bull 1:37.284
14 K. Räikkönen Ferrari 1:37.522
15 L. Hamilton McLaren 1:39.265
16 R. Barrichello Honda 1:36.510
17 N. Piquet jr. Renault 1:36.630
18 K. Nakajima Williams 1:36.653
19 J. Button Honda 1:37.006
20 A. Sutil Force India F1 1:37.417

Now, who would have expected that!? Hooray, Sebastian Vettel for taking Toro Rosso's first ever pole position and swiping the title of Youngest Pole Winner from our good friend "Ferdinand Alfonzo" (an explanation on that will follow shortly)! Just look how happy he looks, awwww!

Also, who ever thought they'd see Seb #2 (Bourdais, that is) start a(n F1) race on Row 2?! Toro Rosso has really uped their game in the past few races. I'm really impressed! Props also to Kovalainen, Webber, Rosberg, and... well, actually pretty much everyone, because pretty much everyone out-ran Massa, Raikkonen, and best of all Lewis Hamilton (yesss!!), who made a lamentable tyre choice (smirk!). Dear Lewis decided to put on intermediate wets rather than keeping the extreme wets everyone else was using. And even after he came in one lap later to put on the extremes, he still failed to get out of Q2, as did Kimi and Robert Kubica (oh, sad!).

In that respect, Felipe was lucky: he nabbed 10th, advanced to Q3, and ultimately managed to qualify 6th on the grid next to Nico Rosberg (yay!). It'll be interesting (albeit nerve-wracking as ever) to see how he'll do tomorrow if it's a wet race. If he can keep it together and finish in front of Hamilton, he'll lead the standings going into Singapore! And you know, it could be dry tomorrow too, which would be even better! Anyways, keep your fingers crossed!

But they'z both mah favorite!

2008-09-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

While the forecast this weekend threatens thunderstorms and showers, I am predicting a deluge of pasta. That's right, it's the Italian Grand Prix at Monza and as it's Ferrari's home grand prix, I'll be cooking for the occasion. Pity my brothers who are coming to stay with me until Sunday, as they are going to have linguine coming out their ears and will have to suffer me dancing around the kitchen wearing my Scuderia flag as a cape.

I'm supremely excited about Monza. It just feels special. Perhaps it's because Ferrari is on home turf. Maybe it's because I've never watched a grand prix there? All that aside, from what I have read, it's an amazingly challenging track, high-speed and taxing on nearly every part of the car, from the engine to the brakes to the tyres. Combine these aspects with the fact that it's apparently monsoon season in Monza and you've got yourself a winner of a race.

Despite how stoked I am for Sunday, I've got a bit of a quandary on my hands, namely:

"Which driver will I formally support?"

If you've been perusing my blog recently, you'll no doubt have seen that Kimi Raikkonen is back in my good graces. I'd love to see him do well, because I have a weakness for underdogs. That facet of Kimi Raikkonen may have been the foremost reason why I became a staunch Ferrari fan last season rather than becoming enamored with the stainless steel empire which is McLaren. Admit it, don't you occasionally catch yourself thinking, "Is it even possible for him to come back from 19 points behind the Hamilton and win it? Do you think he could really do it?" You've got to concede that that would be brilliant.

As much as I'm curious about Raikkonen's ability to make up that much ground in five races, I've also got to consider the other Maranello man, Felipe Massa. Frankly, with two DNFs at the season's start, a unenchanting 13th place finish at Silverstone, and 17th place in Hungary (what a tragedy!), he's had to work his ass off! Massa has impressed me so much this season. He's made such an effort to be consistent, smart, and safe (except at Silverstone - that spinning was terrifying) and I believe he deserves the title. Also, he is super cute and cuddly (see proof below).

It's a tough call. Do I continue to support Kimi in his championship endeavors, even though it means he could draw points from Massa and therefore increase Hamilton's chances of pulling away in the standings? Or do I opt to back Felipe exclusively, relegating Raikkonen to a supporting role and essentially hanging him out to dry (below, see how affronted he would be if I did this)?

Stefano Domenicali, you must be in one hell of a conundrum..

Kimi Raikkonen is one 'a my favorite Formule 1 coureurs!

2008-09-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

Here in Minneapolis, it's decidedly Fall. Days are gradually becoming cooler (I can wear a sweater outside without fear of sweating off 30% of my body weight!) and I'm back to school, frenziedly learning Dutch and musing about my Major Paper topic. In the world of F1, Spa has come and gone and in it's wake Scrutineering's "Tough Love, Kimi" campaign has finally drawn to a close.

There's no denying that I have been immensely disappointed by Kimi Raikkonen's performance in the past several grand prixs. After his performance at Valencia, I was absolutely livid.Whereas Massa was brilliant (minus the near-miss with Sutil) and Hamilton was whinging as usual ("Wah, I slept on a 'dodgy pillow' and got a neck pain, oooh"), Raikkonen's drive was inexcusably sub-par from the beginning. Jumping the light at his second pitstop and running down his refueler had me steamed and the subsequent engine failure was just the absolute end. Last Sunday I was equally furious with Raikkonen after he got my hopes up with a promising start and well-executed drive, then stuffed the F2008 three laps from the "green-white-checker" (as Joe would say, but it's known to everyone else as the finish line, lol). Yes, in the immediate aftermath of Kimi Raikkonen's retirement, the 2007 WDC was dead to me. I was delirious with misery. I vowed to never mention his name again... a measure which lasted for a whole two hours, as I have no self-control. As I've said before, it's just really hard stop liking Kimi Raikkonen..

Kimi Raikkonen's failure to finish the Belgian Grand Prix in a points-paying position (let alone finish, period), may have been a mite disappointing.* But I saw the attitude I've been wanting to see from Kimi Raikkonen for some time. When Raikkonen finally weighed in on the dramatic last laps of Spa, he didn't deliver another tired variation of "Obviously today didn't go as we wanted it to." No, he quite plainly stated that the whole thing was, in effect, all or nothing and that "[he] only wanted to win." And that for me, is excellent! I saw effort and that's all I've ever wanted from Kimi. I wanted some affirmation that he was doing everything humanly (and supernaturally!) possible to put that Ferrari across the finish line in P1!

I'm sure you're all aware of the Raikkonen-Hamilton affair and how egregiously Lewis Hamilton and McLaren feel they have been treated. Honestly, watching the race, I didn't initially see Hamilton gain any advantage. But then again, I'm not a steward and I'm although I know an inordinate amount about F1 in relation to the gross majority of girls my age, Americans, etcetera, I'm still fairly new to this whole business.

Watching it play out again, I definitely see how Hamilton potentially profited from cutting the chicane. He never would have been as close to Raikkonen if he hadn't cut the corner. But this really isn't a topic I want to discuss here. (I feel obligated, however, to post the footage so you can judge for yourself.) There are plenty of other websites which will gladly rehash this for you, analyze it from every angle, and allow you to -if you so choose- subject yourself to the wrath and opinions of Niki Lauda. Personally, I refuse to alienate my readership in the same manner as other sites (PF1, that means you!). I know, I know: I'm really nice! More to follow on Monza and as always,

FORZA FERRARI!

*I wasn't nearly that nice when actually watching him spin, then crash into the wall. I believe I actually lambasted him with the phrase "OH, Kimi Raikkonen, you fucktard!! Hey, I was in agony!

Ik vind Formule 1 leuk.

2008-09-11T17:33:00.001-07:00

Today in Dutch I learned that I was the only person in class who could say what their hobby was: Formule Een (1), bitches!

And to celebrate this, I bring you what may be "World's Most Awkward Moment":

The world needs more visionaries!

2008-09-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

The world needs more visionaries! Lauren Porter, we salute you! And we also think this would make world's best bed..

No white after Labor Day, kthnx.

2008-09-11T07:27:00.000-07:00

Hmph. Apparently Kimi Raikkonen has never heard of the "No white after Labor Day" maxim. Or he has heard of it and just likes to flout the rules, lol.

Things You Didn't Know About Felipe Massa (Part 1)

2008-09-10T22:22:00.001-07:00

#1: Has never had a tonsillectomy.

Sorry if that was graphic.

If I hear you quip one more time...

2008-09-10T21:54:00.000-07:00

I love Andrew Davies. But sometimes the man can be a snarky ass. Ugh, everyone at PF1 whinging about McLaren is making me sick(er - my stomach is hurting really bad for some reason).

My apologies.

2008-09-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

You guys, I know! I have not posted anything yet on the Raikkonen-Hamilton affair and how "dastardly" and "enept" FIA stewards are. Well, I have feelings on the issue; lots of them! Unfortunately, classes (specifically Gothic Sculpture and Age of Empire) are preventing me from having lots of free time to blog.. So bear with me for a while. I will update you all on my opinions before Monza. Fo' realz.

Oh, also... I've been toying around with the idea of applying for a Fulbright and/or Marshall scholarship. Both are hard. The Fulbright selects 1500 US students and funds their graduate research abroad. The Marshall scholarship picks 40 who want to go to grad school in Britain. Last year 883 people applied. It begs the question. Am I better than 884+ kids with GPAs over a 3.7? Yikes.

You invest so much time and energy and booze on someone and they do this to you.

2008-09-07T06:33:00.001-07:00

Kimi Raikkonen is officially dead to me. Never mention his name again.

This is my kind of world.

2008-09-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

PARIS (Reuters) - French scientists have devised a way of using particle accelerators to authenticate vintage wines, one of France's top research bodies said this week. "This enables the age of bottles and their origin to be verified and thus a vintage to be authenticated, a bit like the signature of a painter on a masterpiece, all without opening the bottle and without affecting in any way the content," it said.

By comparing the results with a database containing detailed information on 80 bottles from the Bordeaux region from the 19th century to the present day, the tests can help indicate the vintage of many wines.

"Authentication is possible due to the complexity of the processes of glass manufacture which have evolved over time and to the variety of production centers which give each object a characteristic 'signature' made up of many elements," the CNRS said.

Particle accelerators take a particle, such as an electron, speed it up to near the speed of light and smash it into an atom to discover its internal workings.

The new test extends existing radioactivity tests on the actual wine itself, which are currently incapable of identifying vintages prior to 1950.

The test was developed in cooperation with London-based wine dealer The Antique Wine Company.

(Reporting by Claude Canellas; Writing by James Mackenzie; Editing by Crispian Balmer)

Shortest post ever?

2008-08-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

Good Lord, my Mac Dino is fantastic! That is all.

Where is a child when I need one?

2008-08-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

It's never too early to start training your child to drive a race car. However, you must have kids first. Damn, where is my kid when I them?!

12v Battery Operated F1 Grand Prix Ride On Racing Car - Max speed 1st gear 2.5mph
- Max speed 2nd gear 5mph
- 2 Forward and a Reverse Gear
- Accelerator and Break Pedals
- Max driver weight 40Kg
- Powered by Hi-Tech Electric Motors Engine sound Hi Revving Racing Engine
- Powered by 1x12 volt motor
- 1x12 volt/Ah rechargeable Batteries from Plug In Wall Charger.
- Overall Length 135cm.
- IC sound with lights
- With FM Radio Fitted
- Rechargeable battery with adaptor

The F1 Racer is the "State of the Art" driving machine that will "Teach Kids How To Drive Well"!

http://www.micromotorx.com/giscfoonef1e.html

Do the right thing, stewards!

2008-08-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

Please, please, don't take Felipe Massa's win! It wasn't even his fault! Today he was perfect. Keep him #1.

I'm not caving! It's just really hard to stop liking Kimi Raikkonen!

2008-08-23T22:31:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know I said I said there would be no regular-type adoration of Kimi Raikkonen until he started exercising his full potential again. But I had this really good picture of him...

Good news, EXCELLENT news, Valencia news!

2008-08-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

Have you been pining for my blog?! Have you bemoaned the dearth of quality F1 news coverage?! Did you miss my witty banter!? Most likely not, but it would make me feel really important if you would pretend to! What has attributed to the lack of posts? Approximately 75% of it has been down to my own forgetfulness (I left my computer at my parents' house in Duluth) with about 25% resulting from the untimely death of my three-and-a-half year old and much-beloved SONY Vaio, Enzo. This brings us to the first bit of good news. As a computer is absolutely essential to Scrutineering's existence (and, okay, also to my continued academic excellence), it was necessary to purchase a replacement... Enter Dino, my new Mac Book! Welcome to a new era in Scrutineering's history!

That may have been good, but I can do you one better. Prepare yourself for:

EXCELLENT news!

That's right, folks, F1 is back! No more listening to me ramble on about Michael Phelps and my dog anymore, I have racing news to report on! The Grand Prix of Europe in Valencia is just hours away and OMG, I am excited! More excited than when Jarno Trulli got a haircut and Andrew Davies called Lewis Hamilton a slut combined! Why am I so ebullient? Well, for starters, I'm at my grandparents' house and they've got SPEED. God, if only I had SPEED! Think how relaxed I'd be.. Tomorrow, rather than fiddling with finicky TVU Player (an activity which usually ends with tears of defeat and me missing the Grand Prix), I'll simply switch on the television and bzzt!, I'll instantly be watching my favorite pilots tear around world's homeliest street circuit!

Yes, I said "homely". As a track, Valencia looks challenging with twenty-five turns, and an average speed of 125 mph. But although it looks neat, it's not so snazzy in appearance. Lots of concrete, lots of gray. Which is a pity, because apparently Valencia is a moderately attractive port city.

It's true, Valencia's no Monaco. But I could care less about aesthetics at present. I'm focused on something of far greater importance: Ferrari looks strong at Valencia so far and Massa snagged pole! Behold his onboard!

With Massa on pole and Raikkonen starting fourth, there's a definite possibility of a 1-2 finish; a chance to pick up a much-needed victory and a whole mess of points. Provided we play our cards right, that is, and don't do anything stupid or breeze around noncommittally (that means you, Kimi; you'll get nothing but tough love on this blog from now on until you get your act together, mister!!).. In theory, this track should suit Ferrari well. The weather's hot, which is great for our tyres and we tend to perform well on low to medium downforce tracks. I need a win so bad. Especially after Hungary. I may have shed a few tears over Felipe's DNF in Hungary. Okay, I did cry, but not that much! You guys know how much I love Felipe Massa(In case you didn't, the answer is "lots")!

It seems there'll be plenty of opportunity for surprises at Valencia, as it's a new circuit. The playing field is potentially more level, since everyone's starting fresh. Hooray, Toro Rosso, for performing particularly well! Sebastian Vettel grabbed top spot in P1 and both drivers made it into Q3, which is good news for Sebastien Bourdais whose season thus far has been less than impressive.

I'm confident this weekend, but in Ferrari fashion, I'm keeping my feet on the ground. Also I have a gigantic bag of Jolly Ranchers - 3.75 lbs to be exact. Time to bring that tradition back. Believe what you will, but I really think it helped us get results. I guess we'll just see how it goes. See you bright and early!

What do you think about Nicole Scherzinger?
	Hot
	Eh.
	Kind of looks like a tranny.

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Help me pick a new hobby. Vote for your favorite.
	Knitting.
	Scrapbooking.
	Latte art.
	Pointillism.


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Jean Todt: Sporting a button-up or a button down (shirt, that is)?
	Button-UP, fo' sho.
	Hells no, it's a button-DOWN.

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