Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I MANDATE that you love Felipe Massa. Or at least that you respect him.
What are you doing right now? Nothing of importance. Direct your eyes to this Pitpass article immediately.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
F1 is a total headfuck..
Allow me to be rather blunt: F1 is a total headfuck. One minute you feel like you're on top of the world, the next as if you've been sucker-punched simultaneously by the entire paddock population. It's impossible to describe how ludicrous, surreal, and utterly crushing Singapore was. In the opening laps (in adherance to the dogma of Domenicalisme), I was feeling cautiously optimistic. Two hours later, however, I was wrapped up in bed in my Ferrari flag, unable to do anything but laugh till I cried at the memory of Massa's Ferrari rocketing down the pitlane with the fuel hose slithering after it, looking for all the world like a bright red dragon.
How on Earth could I laugh about something like that? Nothing about that fiasco was remotely amusing. But the whole incident was so bizarre... looking back it was almost comical. What transpired was so horribly wrong that it just didn't seem possible that it could actually could have taken place.
Yes, as you may have gleaned from my posts two weeks ago (depending on how astute/patient you were), the Singapore Grand Prix fell apart for Ferrari during Massa's first pitstop. Somehow someone gave Massa the green and... well, we're all aware of what happened next. I won't name any names, as I know how distraught and guilty that person must feel (also because I have no name to give because Luca di won't tell us who it was).
Unfortunately, this deplorable event led to a drive-through penalty for Massa (unsafe release) ensuring he'd finish outside the points. Yet again Kimi Raikkonen put the car in the wall mere laps from the chequers while running in fourth. And these combined saw Felipe drop seven points behind Lewis Hamilton in the WDC standings and Ferrari lose the lead in the fight for the Constructor's title.
Well, the start of the 2008 Japanese Grand Prix is exactly thirty-five minutes away. I've had my pre-race drink. My pockets are stuffed with Jolly Ranchers. And I'm nervous. Although Kimi's second on the grid, Felipe's not quite were I'd like him to be (he qualified fifth, rather than first). We've brought back the lollipop man of old in favor of the light system, but whenever we have to pit, I get so nervous..
Anyways, time to head over to Mark's friend's place. Forza Ferrari; forza Felipe; Kimi.
Question?
While I'm still tipsy, I wanna know...
Reader in Hopkins, who are you? Do I know you? Because you read a lot. And that pleases me immensely. :) So thanks!
Reader in Hopkins, who are you? Do I know you? Because you read a lot. And that pleases me immensely. :) So thanks!
Podium...
Did they just call him "Flava Flav?" Because I would laugh at that all day.
Also, Hamilton, Sr., don't manhandle my driver's family! Your son already makes his son significantly uncomfortable!
Also, Hamilton, Sr., don't manhandle my driver's family! Your son already makes his son significantly uncomfortable!
Alonso; The Marseillaise
Okay, I'll admit. I'm happy for Alonso. He's a determined guy. So, well, done. Maybe, (just maybe) I might bury the hatchet with you, Eyebrow Man.
Oh, i just had a moment... "Why the hell are they playing the Marseillaise?" Because Renault's a French team. Duhh...
Oh, i just had a moment... "Why the hell are they playing the Marseillaise?" Because Renault's a French team. Duhh...
ARGH!
OMG, Kimi did put the car in the wall. At exactly the wrong time. :( Should had drunk the whole litre this morning.
Singapore: Lap by lap (If you like rambling and partisanship, this post is for you!)
51) Massa still lookin' good, despite lodged debris. Raikkonen catching up on Lewser. Catch him, Kimi!
51) Hamilton possibly fryin' the tyres. Let's hope.
50) Raikkonen drives "a stout lap." Thanks, David Hobbs. :)
CB (Commercial Break): Some highlights so far? Kazu's keeping Fernando behind him masterfully. Both he and Rosberg have gone past Trulli (which is kinda sad for me, but also kinda happy. I love both Trulli and Rosberg). Massa still keeping Hamilton well behind him.
49) Alonso in the pits. Raikkonen still hunting down Hamilton. Reel him in, Kimi! Ive got a vodka Red Bull in my hand for you. Yeah, that's right, it is only 7:27 am.
48) Massa resets fast lap. +7.230s lead over Hamilton.
48) Bourdais runs off. :(
47) Piquet into the wall. Is he gonna freak out!? No, but what does he say?: "Sorry, guys." Barichello in and the Red Bulls are stackin'.
46) Berndt Maylander is running around the track. Pit lane's closed. Piquet's out of the car and heading for the exit. Run, Nelsinho, run! Rosberg in; will have to take a penalty. Good stop. For fuel... or a puncture?
46) Barichello is out. Mech problem or outta fuel? Was gonna say a DNF'd be bad for his hopes to keep his race seat, but since FA's staying at Renault..
45) Kubica has to refuel under safety car. 10s time penalty.
45) Barichello is pushed back to the pits. We see Stefano Domenicali. I love him. Wish I could marry him.
45) I'm buzzed, guys. Had that drink and a shot.
45) Might start seeing stacking. But the lane's open now!
44) Massa pits! Go, go, Fi!
44) Raikkonen in. Felipe drives off with fuel hose! Fuel hose is jammed! Under SC again. Car may be close to overheating! The last thing we need!
44) Felipe finally out. Will the engine be okay, though!? It's the light system. Shit. Shit. Shit.
43) Hamilton out ninth? What's going on?
43) Rosberg first behind safety car, followed by Trulli, Fisi in third. Kubica practically leading. Bourdais pits.
43) FUCK.
43) Massa +8.545 behind leader. So pissed. And at Ferrari no less. That makes me sad.
41) Hamilton is gonna say words. And that makes me sad too.
41) Can we possibly get Massa a Bullet? Mario Kart Singapore, anyone? Runs wide on paint. :( At least the engine is holding up.
CB: Guys! Why!? Why does this happen? Are you kidding me?! !!! Also, I'm pretty much totally drunk atm.
39) Rosberg still leads.
39) Massa under investigation. Penalty imminent. :( Rosberg may be penalised too.
38) Kubica gonna get a penalty for refueling under SC.
38) Drive-through for Massa. Sad! Fi, you're still my fave.
37) I want Ferrari to get it together. At least for the rest of the season. And DEFINITELY for next season.
37) Massa takes his DT. Now go, go, go!!!
37) Nico has stop-go penalty. Needs to push. Could he win this?
36) Hamilton still in 8th. Could he just crash out, please? Stuff it, you dolt!
36) This whole thing is good for Alonso. Fuck, why do I now have sympathy for Alonso!? This day just gets harder and harder. Am not gonna cry today, though.
CB: Kimi's still back in 15th. Should I drink more? Rosberg's got 19.4s on Fisi. So minus the stop-go, that puts him where? Ugh.
34) Kubica in for stop-go penalty.
34) Massa behind Bourdais. Is teh uber sad.
34) Webbo off. Loses four positions. Hamilton up to 8th now. Fuck him!!
33) Renault tells us, "Fernando, we're not 100% sure what's happening." Lol. Nico in for penalty? I dunno...
33) Rosberg rejoins in fourth after Alonso. Yay!
32) Hamilton on DC's gearbox. Sadness.
32) Fisi pits. DC, take Lewis out! I will give you eight pennies!
32) Fisi adds a ton of fuel. Raikkonen up to 13th, Massa up to 16th.
32) Webbo retires. May have broken something on the kerb.
31) Trulli is race leader. At least I can rejoice in that. He's up ten spots.
30) In case anyone cared, Jenson Button is in tenth; our funnyman Kovalainen in 11th. I don't really know why he's the funnyman. I'm pretty drunk.
30) Massa passed by Kubica for 15th. :(
30) Fi pits. Go, go, go, hun!
30) If Massa has engine problems, that's bad. We've already used our free engine change. Oh, wait, Bob Varsha just told me he gets his next one for next race.
29) Trulli sets fast lap! Massa needs a safety car. Seb, could you provide one?
29) Hamilton up to 5th. Wanna punch him in the FACE. Trulli pits, btw. Going onto the super softs. Comes out ahead of Kaz in 8th. Kaz gets him, but Trulli fights back.
28) Alonso leads. He met a possum? Well, good for him!
CB: Fact: Actually, no possums are present. Maybe that gopher can come for Hamilton's tyre now. Any gophers vacationing in Singapore, please report to the track.
25) Alonso could win. I think he's an ass.
24) :( Hamilton in 4th. God, can you just smite him!? Or Kimi, can you put the car in the wall? Please?
23) Kaz pipped Trulli? Qu'est-qui se passe?
CB: Kimpaa pipped Trulli. Thanks, you. I'm talking to Matt. I miss him. So Matt, if you're reading this, I miss you much. I hope you have fun in Bologna. Eat some pates bolognese for me. :)
21) Rosberg in 7th. Alonso getting pret to pit. Could actually win this one. Would I be happy? I dunno! Maybe! Argh!
20) Alonso in. 7.6s pitstop. Smmooth.
20) DC! FUCK YOU! Hamilton now in 2nd. You bastard! Both of you!
20) Hamilton still has to pit. Bin it, you idiot!
19) More fuel rig shit for DC. More mechanics go down. That poor Ferrari guy. For realz, first hit by Kimi, then jerked around by Massa; now DC's guy takes a beating.
19) McLaren International is made up of a bunch of heartless, cold robots. And stop thinking you're a football team. Call yourself McLaren-Mercedes and stop putting on airs.
18) Kimppa in 6th. Does he need to pit again?
18) Kimi, I wanna see your late race push! Now! Now! NOW!
17) Kimi in 4th. I love you! You're my Finnish guy! Please do well!
CB: Why can't I major in F1? I know so much. I really would love to work in that sector of industry. What is it? Tertiary, military, F1? I don't think that's right..
14) Brakes going bad for DC. Whatever happened to Vettel?
13) Glock to 5th and my buddy Vettel in 7th.
13) Kovi fastest through Speed Trap.
12) Kimi in 3rd? Is he one-stopppin'? J'ais pas.
12) Kimppa has to stop. :( SADDDDDD. Need a good stop, Ferrari, don't fail me again.
11) Trulli fucks up a bit in Anderson Bridge. Kimi Raikkonen in pits. He's so hot. Please, guys, gimme some fuel well.
11) Ugh, HamBoy in 3rd, Kimi 6th. But we're a Ferrari, let's get it done!
10) Massa needed a safety car. And he makes one. Massa hits wall, Sutil follows him. Still love you, Fi. You're my hero.
CB: Did Sutil lock up? Well, at any rate, he cocked-up. What's going on? This is difficult to follow when you are inebriated.
NB:Don't mix yourself a 50/50 drink at 7:00 am.. It'll fuck you up and you'll cry when your team fucks up.
There are people at my house. I only know like two of them. It's hard to be myself and watch the race like I normally would. You know I've got this Ferrari passion going on. Let's look at the bright side, though. We could walk away with the constructor's championship.
BUT IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!!
09) RAI in 5th. Mwah!
09) I loves Kimi. Go, Alonso, go! Hamilton right on Rosberg's gearbox.
8) There's no one I hate more than Lewis Hamilton.
08) Kimi, get that TOYOTA! TOYOTA! TOYOTA!
07) Okay, maybe I might throw support behind dear Ferdinand (:)).
04) Three laps left. Hold off Hamilton, Nico!!
04) Kimi into the wall. FUCK. THIS. SHIT. :( All bets are off on my crying. Yeah, I am definitely gonna bawl. :(
03) Ferrari will now be behind McLaren in the constructor's championship. 135 to 134. :(
01) Alonso's bagged it, unless something goes terribly wrong. Good on ya, boy-o.
FLAG: Provisional Results:
01) Alonso
02) Rosberg
03) Hamilton
GLO
VET
HEI
COU
NAK
BUT
KOV
KUB
BOU
MAS
FIS
Alonso! He's hand-talking! Whoa, I never knew he was one!
51) Hamilton possibly fryin' the tyres. Let's hope.
50) Raikkonen drives "a stout lap." Thanks, David Hobbs. :)
CB (Commercial Break): Some highlights so far? Kazu's keeping Fernando behind him masterfully. Both he and Rosberg have gone past Trulli (which is kinda sad for me, but also kinda happy. I love both Trulli and Rosberg). Massa still keeping Hamilton well behind him.
49) Alonso in the pits. Raikkonen still hunting down Hamilton. Reel him in, Kimi! Ive got a vodka Red Bull in my hand for you. Yeah, that's right, it is only 7:27 am.
48) Massa resets fast lap. +7.230s lead over Hamilton.
48) Bourdais runs off. :(
47) Piquet into the wall. Is he gonna freak out!? No, but what does he say?: "Sorry, guys." Barichello in and the Red Bulls are stackin'.
46) Berndt Maylander is running around the track. Pit lane's closed. Piquet's out of the car and heading for the exit. Run, Nelsinho, run! Rosberg in; will have to take a penalty. Good stop. For fuel... or a puncture?
46) Barichello is out. Mech problem or outta fuel? Was gonna say a DNF'd be bad for his hopes to keep his race seat, but since FA's staying at Renault..
45) Kubica has to refuel under safety car. 10s time penalty.
45) Barichello is pushed back to the pits. We see Stefano Domenicali. I love him. Wish I could marry him.
45) I'm buzzed, guys. Had that drink and a shot.
45) Might start seeing stacking. But the lane's open now!
44) Massa pits! Go, go, Fi!
44) Raikkonen in. Felipe drives off with fuel hose! Fuel hose is jammed! Under SC again. Car may be close to overheating! The last thing we need!
44) Felipe finally out. Will the engine be okay, though!? It's the light system. Shit. Shit. Shit.
43) Hamilton out ninth? What's going on?
43) Rosberg first behind safety car, followed by Trulli, Fisi in third. Kubica practically leading. Bourdais pits.
43) FUCK.
43) Massa +8.545 behind leader. So pissed. And at Ferrari no less. That makes me sad.
41) Hamilton is gonna say words. And that makes me sad too.
41) Can we possibly get Massa a Bullet? Mario Kart Singapore, anyone? Runs wide on paint. :( At least the engine is holding up.
CB: Guys! Why!? Why does this happen? Are you kidding me?! !!! Also, I'm pretty much totally drunk atm.
39) Rosberg still leads.
39) Massa under investigation. Penalty imminent. :( Rosberg may be penalised too.
38) Kubica gonna get a penalty for refueling under SC.
38) Drive-through for Massa. Sad! Fi, you're still my fave.
37) I want Ferrari to get it together. At least for the rest of the season. And DEFINITELY for next season.
37) Massa takes his DT. Now go, go, go!!!
37) Nico has stop-go penalty. Needs to push. Could he win this?
36) Hamilton still in 8th. Could he just crash out, please? Stuff it, you dolt!
36) This whole thing is good for Alonso. Fuck, why do I now have sympathy for Alonso!? This day just gets harder and harder. Am not gonna cry today, though.
CB: Kimi's still back in 15th. Should I drink more? Rosberg's got 19.4s on Fisi. So minus the stop-go, that puts him where? Ugh.
34) Kubica in for stop-go penalty.
34) Massa behind Bourdais. Is teh uber sad.
34) Webbo off. Loses four positions. Hamilton up to 8th now. Fuck him!!
33) Renault tells us, "Fernando, we're not 100% sure what's happening." Lol. Nico in for penalty? I dunno...
33) Rosberg rejoins in fourth after Alonso. Yay!
32) Hamilton on DC's gearbox. Sadness.
32) Fisi pits. DC, take Lewis out! I will give you eight pennies!
32) Fisi adds a ton of fuel. Raikkonen up to 13th, Massa up to 16th.
32) Webbo retires. May have broken something on the kerb.
31) Trulli is race leader. At least I can rejoice in that. He's up ten spots.
30) In case anyone cared, Jenson Button is in tenth; our funnyman Kovalainen in 11th. I don't really know why he's the funnyman. I'm pretty drunk.
30) Massa passed by Kubica for 15th. :(
30) Fi pits. Go, go, go, hun!
30) If Massa has engine problems, that's bad. We've already used our free engine change. Oh, wait, Bob Varsha just told me he gets his next one for next race.
29) Trulli sets fast lap! Massa needs a safety car. Seb, could you provide one?
29) Hamilton up to 5th. Wanna punch him in the FACE. Trulli pits, btw. Going onto the super softs. Comes out ahead of Kaz in 8th. Kaz gets him, but Trulli fights back.
28) Alonso leads. He met a possum? Well, good for him!
CB: Fact: Actually, no possums are present. Maybe that gopher can come for Hamilton's tyre now. Any gophers vacationing in Singapore, please report to the track.
25) Alonso could win. I think he's an ass.
24) :( Hamilton in 4th. God, can you just smite him!? Or Kimi, can you put the car in the wall? Please?
23) Kaz pipped Trulli? Qu'est-qui se passe?
CB: Kimpaa pipped Trulli. Thanks, you. I'm talking to Matt. I miss him. So Matt, if you're reading this, I miss you much. I hope you have fun in Bologna. Eat some pates bolognese for me. :)
21) Rosberg in 7th. Alonso getting pret to pit. Could actually win this one. Would I be happy? I dunno! Maybe! Argh!
20) Alonso in. 7.6s pitstop. Smmooth.
20) DC! FUCK YOU! Hamilton now in 2nd. You bastard! Both of you!
20) Hamilton still has to pit. Bin it, you idiot!
19) More fuel rig shit for DC. More mechanics go down. That poor Ferrari guy. For realz, first hit by Kimi, then jerked around by Massa; now DC's guy takes a beating.
19) McLaren International is made up of a bunch of heartless, cold robots. And stop thinking you're a football team. Call yourself McLaren-Mercedes and stop putting on airs.
18) Kimppa in 6th. Does he need to pit again?
18) Kimi, I wanna see your late race push! Now! Now! NOW!
17) Kimi in 4th. I love you! You're my Finnish guy! Please do well!
CB: Why can't I major in F1? I know so much. I really would love to work in that sector of industry. What is it? Tertiary, military, F1? I don't think that's right..
14) Brakes going bad for DC. Whatever happened to Vettel?
13) Glock to 5th and my buddy Vettel in 7th.
13) Kovi fastest through Speed Trap.
12) Kimi in 3rd? Is he one-stopppin'? J'ais pas.
12) Kimppa has to stop. :( SADDDDDD. Need a good stop, Ferrari, don't fail me again.
11) Trulli fucks up a bit in Anderson Bridge. Kimi Raikkonen in pits. He's so hot. Please, guys, gimme some fuel well.
11) Ugh, HamBoy in 3rd, Kimi 6th. But we're a Ferrari, let's get it done!
10) Massa needed a safety car. And he makes one. Massa hits wall, Sutil follows him. Still love you, Fi. You're my hero.
CB: Did Sutil lock up? Well, at any rate, he cocked-up. What's going on? This is difficult to follow when you are inebriated.
NB:Don't mix yourself a 50/50 drink at 7:00 am.. It'll fuck you up and you'll cry when your team fucks up.
There are people at my house. I only know like two of them. It's hard to be myself and watch the race like I normally would. You know I've got this Ferrari passion going on. Let's look at the bright side, though. We could walk away with the constructor's championship.
BUT IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!!
09) RAI in 5th. Mwah!
09) I loves Kimi. Go, Alonso, go! Hamilton right on Rosberg's gearbox.
8) There's no one I hate more than Lewis Hamilton.
08) Kimi, get that TOYOTA! TOYOTA! TOYOTA!
07) Okay, maybe I might throw support behind dear Ferdinand (:)).
04) Three laps left. Hold off Hamilton, Nico!!
04) Kimi into the wall. FUCK. THIS. SHIT. :( All bets are off on my crying. Yeah, I am definitely gonna bawl. :(
03) Ferrari will now be behind McLaren in the constructor's championship. 135 to 134. :(
01) Alonso's bagged it, unless something goes terribly wrong. Good on ya, boy-o.
FLAG: Provisional Results:
01) Alonso
02) Rosberg
03) Hamilton
GLO
VET
HEI
COU
NAK
BUT
KOV
KUB
BOU
MAS
FIS
Alonso! He's hand-talking! Whoa, I never knew he was one!
Why do you do this to me?!
Well, here I am, sitting at my house watching Singapore!! Great start by Massa. Pulling away from Hamilton, but he just ran right over some debris. I thought we established that was bad!!!!
Again,
Felipe, debris is BADD!
Again,
Felipe, debris is BADD!
Friday, September 26, 2008
DeBATE! And I love Singapore!!!!
OMMMMMG!!!!!! WAZIRISTAN. It's right here! Reader from Pakistan, are you from Waziristan!? I'm watching John McCain speak! OMGGGGG! He's so old! Not gonna vote for him. And he said "2/4ths of Juy ago." That's weird.
I'm eatin' some Finn Crispzzz because tomorrow is Kimi Raikkonen VODKA FOOD DINNER! Earlier this evening, I said Kimi RAIKKONEN was in Finland. Welllll, he's in SINGAPORE. Whhopps. Speaking of Singapore, I'm super excited. Not about Hamilton. Lame ass.
Now we're talking about Vladimir Putin. I'm gonna go for a walk!
Forza Ferrari; forza Felipe; forza Kimi; forza Obama! Obama has not mentioned the Crimea. BITCHIN'!
I'm eatin' some Finn Crispzzz because tomorrow is Kimi Raikkonen VODKA FOOD DINNER! Earlier this evening, I said Kimi RAIKKONEN was in Finland. Welllll, he's in SINGAPORE. Whhopps. Speaking of Singapore, I'm super excited. Not about Hamilton. Lame ass.Now we're talking about Vladimir Putin. I'm gonna go for a walk!
Forza Ferrari; forza Felipe; forza Kimi; forza Obama! Obama has not mentioned the Crimea. BITCHIN'!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Possibilites.
I'm fairly sure you are all aware that I'm going to be graduating next winter (Dec 2009). As a result, I'll have about nine months before I can commence with grad school. You may also be aware that I've been researching possible activities to occupy myself with. Il y'en a cinq:
1) Be an au pair. Watch kids, make money, live in Europe.
2) Teach English. Talk to kids, make money, live in Europe.
3) Stay here and work. Make money while wishing I were living in Europe (this is obviously not ideal).
4) Get an internship abroad. Maybe make money, while living in Europe.
5) Go to school in Belgium, the Netherlands, Italy, or Germany. Learn things; live in Europe.
1) Be an au pair. Watch kids, make money, live in Europe.
2) Teach English. Talk to kids, make money, live in Europe.
3) Stay here and work. Make money while wishing I were living in Europe (this is obviously not ideal).
4) Get an internship abroad. Maybe make money, while living in Europe.
5) Go to school in Belgium, the Netherlands, Italy, or Germany. Learn things; live in Europe.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Appeal Day (Wordy Version)
The other day someone told me they were "morally opposed" to the movie Death Race because they absolutely could not support its... well, badness. Well, I'm morally opposed to Hamilton winning his appeal Spa chicane appeal in Paris. I hope to God he doesn't. First of all, how can he even appeal this? Drive-through penalties are strictly unappealable (which apparently is not a word: did I mean "unappetizing?" No, I didn't). And people claim Ferrari get special treatment (which is a load of rubbish IMHO)! This appeal is totally unadmissable! If Hamilton wins, he'll have flouted the rules. Secondly, I am a bit miffed that he was so rude to Nigel Tozzi!
The FIA committee needs to stand firm. One of them (preferably Thierry Juillard, because he sounds like a nice old guy) needs to stand up and say, "Bitch, please!"
"Are you a racing driver? No!"How disrespectful! And terribly presumptuous! I don't care if you're a driver and he's not! That doesn't make you somehow more right!
The FIA committee needs to stand firm. One of them (preferably Thierry Juillard, because he sounds like a nice old guy) needs to stand up and say, "Bitch, please!"
Appeal Day
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Imprecise. Arrogant. Overrated.
Lewis Hamilton: Wrong for F1.
(Sorry guys, I just watched an Al Franken commercial.)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
A reminder.
For the past several months, my apartment has been anti-Hamilton space. And it's going to stay that way! No ifs, ands, or buts...
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Once I post it, it's not secret any more. But until then, no peeking!
Oh, while we're on the subject of tipsiness...!
"Kimi Raikkonen (Finnish) Vodka Food Dinner" next weekend!
You know you love this blank stare - be there or be square, mi amici!
(But seriously, if you really want in, lemme know and I'll hook you up with the time and place. No crazies though and above all NO HAMILTON FANS!)
"Kimi Raikkonen (Finnish) Vodka Food Dinner" next weekend!
You know you love this blank stare - be there or be square, mi amici!
(But seriously, if you really want in, lemme know and I'll hook you up with the time and place. No crazies though and above all NO HAMILTON FANS!)
Joe will like this most because in it Kimi Raikkonen sounds smart.
"It's not over yet, but now it will take a miracle, one that makes lightning strike twice."
Kimi Raikkonen has finally admitted that he's more or less out of the running for the championship and hearing that straight from the horses mouth makes me a little sad. However, in a way I may be a little relieved. Maybe now Raikkonen will know he should be there when needed to assist Massa in winning the title. Of course, that means he'll have to be there, which means we absolutely have to sort out the tyre issues (lack of grip) to get both cars back to running consistently at the front... I don't wanna lose, guys! Oh, dears, I think I'm tipsy.. Here are some picz because I'm too muddled to type anymore.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Poll #10: Hobbies!!: I need one.
Just now I had a sobering thought: In about a month and half, I'm going to go into severe F1 withdrawal. If you thought it was bad last year, what's it going to be like this season? That's right, it's going to be approximately thirty-two times worse.. So...
Kimi Raikkonen, you're a huge dork!
“I don’t know what time the race is. Is it in the evening? Good."OMG, a night race in the evening?! Who'd'a thunk? Honestly, when else was it gonna be? Lol, Kimi Raikkonen, you are a huge dork.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Poll #9: Fashion?...: Shirt Query
Just realized I haven't posted a poll for a while. So here you go, Poll #9.
Monday, September 15, 2008
MN: Not part of FR
Monaco is not in France and people would do well to remember that fact.
What/where is Monaco?
Monaco is a small principality located approximately 20 km from Nice, FR. Although it is situated within the borders of France, Monaco is nevertheless a sovereign country governed by a constitutional monarchy, not Nicolas Sarkozy.
Despite the fact that French is the official language of Monaco, Monaco is not part of France.
Even though Monaco is serviced by France's national rail system (SNCF), it is incorrect to assert that the city-state is governed by the French national government.
Although Monaco was indeed under French control immediately following the French Revolution, the principality has been independent from France since 1861.
Monaco is a tax haven (no income tax is collected), a fact which distinguishes it from France where citizens are required to pay income tax annually.
In conclusion, (you've guessed it!) Monaco is not France!
What/where is Monaco?
Monaco is a small principality located approximately 20 km from Nice, FR. Although it is situated within the borders of France, Monaco is nevertheless a sovereign country governed by a constitutional monarchy, not Nicolas Sarkozy.
Despite the fact that French is the official language of Monaco, Monaco is not part of France.
Even though Monaco is serviced by France's national rail system (SNCF), it is incorrect to assert that the city-state is governed by the French national government.
Although Monaco was indeed under French control immediately following the French Revolution, the principality has been independent from France since 1861.
Monaco is a tax haven (no income tax is collected), a fact which distinguishes it from France where citizens are required to pay income tax annually.
In conclusion, (you've guessed it!) Monaco is not France!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Walking directions to Bologna, Italy: 226 km – about 1 day 23 hours
Minneapolis-Milan via Chicago over New Year's? $514, bitches! Matt, can we come visit, lol!?
Candy's good too..
First, I have to congratulate Sebastian Vettel, because that was a monster drive.* But, since I'm first and foremost a Ferrari fan...
Yesss! Felipe! You drove in the wet! You didn't spin! You didn't let Lewis by! You were great!
*Note: Do not confuse Sebastian Vettel's "monster drive" with this monster drive. They are of somewhat different natures.
Yesss! Felipe! You drove in the wet! You didn't spin! You didn't let Lewis by! You were great!
*Note: Do not confuse Sebastian Vettel's "monster drive" with this monster drive. They are of somewhat different natures.
Vettel Wins at Monza, Massa holds off Hamilton
Sebastian Vettel took his first victory at Monza this morning, becoming history's youngest F1 winner. The 21-year-old Toro Rosso driver was faultless this weekend, starting from pole position and extending a dominant lead over McLaren's Heikki Kovalainen over the course of 53 laps. Kovalainen crossed the line 12.512 s behind he German to take second place while BMW's Robert Kubica rounded out the podium.Farther down the standings, Felipe Massa finished 2/10ths of a second ahead of Lewis Hamilton to claim sixth place, closing the gap in the title fight to a single point.
Ferrari's Kimi Raikkonen was unable to work his way up the grid, finishing outside the points for the third grand prix in a row. The Finn achieved fastest lap on lap 53, his eighth of the season.
PROVISIONAL RACE RESULTS
The Italian Grand Prix
Autodromo di Monza, Italy;
53 laps; 306.720km;
Weather: Wet.
Classified:
Pos Driver Team Time
1. Vettel Toro Rosso-Ferrari (B) 1h26:47.000
2. Kovalainen McLaren-Mercedes (B) + 12.512
3. Kubica BMW Sauber (B) + 20.471
4. Alonso Renault (B) + 23.903
5. Heidfeld BMW Sauber (B) + 27.748
6. Massa Ferrari (B) + 28.816
7. Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes (B) + 29.012
8. Webber Red Bull-Renault (B) + 32.048
9. Raikkonen Ferrari (B) + 39.468
10. Piquet Renault (B) + 54.445
11. Glock Toyota (B) + 58.888
12. Nakajima Williams-Toyota (B) + 1:02.015
13. Trulli Toyota (B) + 1:05.954
14. Rosberg Williams-Toyota (B) + 1:08.635
15. Button Honda (B) + 1:13.370
16. Coulthard Red Bull-Renault (B) + 1 lap
17. Barrichello Honda (B) + 1 lap
18. Bourdais Toro Rosso-Ferrari (B) + 1 lap
19. Sutil Force India-Ferrari (B) + 2 laps
Fastest lap: Raikkonen, 1:28.047
Not classified/retirements:
Driver Team On lap
Fisichella Force India-Ferrari (B) 12
World Championship standings, round 14:
Drivers: Constructors:
1. Hamilton 78 1. Ferrari 134
2. Massa 77 2. McLaren-Mercedes 129
3. Kubica 64 3. BMW Sauber 117
4. Raikkonen 57 4. Renault 41
5. Heidfeld 53 5. Toyota 41
6. Kovalainen 51 6. Toro Rosso-Ferrari 27
7. Alonso 28 7. Red Bull-Renault 26
8. Trulli 26 8. Williams-Toyota 17
9. Vettel 23 9. Honda 14
10. Webber 20
11. Glock 15
12. Piquet 13
13. Barrichello 11
14. Rosberg 9
15. Nakajima 8
16. Coulthard 6
17. Bourdais 4
18. Button 3
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Hooray, Ferrari!/I was tricked into tolerating Fernando Alonso!
Tough luck, Fernando Alonso, Kimi Raikkonen is not retiring in 2009! Far from it: he got a contract extension for 2010! Ah, I'm so happy! I get to hang onto my team!! What's the downside to this? I got tricked into tolerating (aah, perhaps even liking) Fernando Alonso! Yikes!
I woulda missed this..
I woulda missed this..
This post about Monza has a lot of parentheses, pictures, and some guy named "Ferdinand Alfonzo"?...
OMG, Monza is gonna be nuts! It's crazy wet there right now and thunderstorms have been wreaking havoc on practice and qualifying! Check these out! Yeah, that's what the paddock looked liked during Prac One on Friday...
Now imagine what it must be like to drive in that! Apparently, it's been nearly impossible, especially at the Ascari chicane where aquaplaning seems to have been the order of the weekend. In light of the conditions, the running order has been a tad out of whack. Let's have a look at qualy times, shall we?
Times
01 S. Vettel Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:37.555
02 H. Kovalainen McLaren 1:37.631
03 M. Webber Red Bull 1:38.117
04 S. Bourdais Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:38.445
05 N. Rosberg Williams 1:38.767
06 F. Massa Ferrari 1:38.894
07 J. Trulli Toyota 1:39.152
08 F. Alonso Renault 1:39.751
09 T. Glock Toyota 1:39.787
10 N. Heidfeld BMW 1:39.906
11 R. Kubica BMW 1:36.697
12 G. Fisichella Force India F1 1:36.698
13 D. Coulthard Red Bull 1:37.284
14 K. Räikkönen Ferrari 1:37.522
15 L. Hamilton McLaren 1:39.265
16 R. Barrichello Honda 1:36.510
17 N. Piquet jr. Renault 1:36.630
18 K. Nakajima Williams 1:36.653
19 J. Button Honda 1:37.006
20 A. Sutil Force India F1 1:37.417
Now, who would have expected that!? Hooray, Sebastian Vettel for taking Toro Rosso's first ever pole position and swiping the title of Youngest Pole Winner from our good friend "Ferdinand Alfonzo" (an explanation on that will follow shortly)! Just look how happy he looks, awwww!
Also, who ever thought they'd see Seb #2 (Bourdais, that is) start a(n F1) race on Row 2?! Toro Rosso has really uped their game in the past few races. I'm really impressed! Props also to Kovalainen, Webber, Rosberg, and... well, actually pretty much everyone, because pretty much everyone out-ran Massa, Raikkonen, and best of all Lewis Hamilton (yesss!!), who made a lamentable tyre choice (smirk!). Dear Lewis decided to put on intermediate wets rather than keeping the extreme wets everyone else was using. And even after he came in one lap later to put on the extremes, he still failed to get out of Q2, as did Kimi and Robert Kubica (oh, sad!).
In that respect, Felipe was lucky: he nabbed 10th, advanced to Q3, and ultimately managed to qualify 6th on the grid next to Nico Rosberg (yay!). It'll be interesting (albeit nerve-wracking as ever) to see how he'll do tomorrow if it's a wet race. If he can keep it together and finish in front of Hamilton, he'll lead the standings going into Singapore! And you know, it could be dry tomorrow too, which would be even better! Anyways, keep your fingers crossed!
Now imagine what it must be like to drive in that! Apparently, it's been nearly impossible, especially at the Ascari chicane where aquaplaning seems to have been the order of the weekend. In light of the conditions, the running order has been a tad out of whack. Let's have a look at qualy times, shall we?
Times
01 S. Vettel Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:37.555
02 H. Kovalainen McLaren 1:37.631
03 M. Webber Red Bull 1:38.117
04 S. Bourdais Scuderia Toro Rosso 1:38.445
05 N. Rosberg Williams 1:38.767
06 F. Massa Ferrari 1:38.894
07 J. Trulli Toyota 1:39.152
08 F. Alonso Renault 1:39.751
09 T. Glock Toyota 1:39.787
10 N. Heidfeld BMW 1:39.906
11 R. Kubica BMW 1:36.697
12 G. Fisichella Force India F1 1:36.698
13 D. Coulthard Red Bull 1:37.284
14 K. Räikkönen Ferrari 1:37.522
15 L. Hamilton McLaren 1:39.265
16 R. Barrichello Honda 1:36.510
17 N. Piquet jr. Renault 1:36.630
18 K. Nakajima Williams 1:36.653
19 J. Button Honda 1:37.006
20 A. Sutil Force India F1 1:37.417
Now, who would have expected that!? Hooray, Sebastian Vettel for taking Toro Rosso's first ever pole position and swiping the title of Youngest Pole Winner from our good friend "Ferdinand Alfonzo" (an explanation on that will follow shortly)! Just look how happy he looks, awwww!
Also, who ever thought they'd see Seb #2 (Bourdais, that is) start a(n F1) race on Row 2?! Toro Rosso has really uped their game in the past few races. I'm really impressed! Props also to Kovalainen, Webber, Rosberg, and... well, actually pretty much everyone, because pretty much everyone out-ran Massa, Raikkonen, and best of all Lewis Hamilton (yesss!!), who made a lamentable tyre choice (smirk!). Dear Lewis decided to put on intermediate wets rather than keeping the extreme wets everyone else was using. And even after he came in one lap later to put on the extremes, he still failed to get out of Q2, as did Kimi and Robert Kubica (oh, sad!).
In that respect, Felipe was lucky: he nabbed 10th, advanced to Q3, and ultimately managed to qualify 6th on the grid next to Nico Rosberg (yay!). It'll be interesting (albeit nerve-wracking as ever) to see how he'll do tomorrow if it's a wet race. If he can keep it together and finish in front of Hamilton, he'll lead the standings going into Singapore! And you know, it could be dry tomorrow too, which would be even better! Anyways, keep your fingers crossed!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
But they'z both mah favorite!
While the forecast this weekend threatens thunderstorms and showers, I am predicting a deluge of pasta. That's right, it's the Italian Grand Prix at Monza and as it's Ferrari's home grand prix, I'll be cooking for the occasion. Pity my brothers who are coming to stay with me until Sunday, as they are going to have linguine coming out their ears and will have to suffer me dancing around the kitchen wearing my Scuderia flag as a cape.
I'm supremely excited about Monza. It just feels special. Perhaps it's because Ferrari is on home turf. Maybe it's because I've never watched a grand prix there? All that aside, from what I have read, it's an amazingly challenging track, high-speed and taxing on nearly every part of the car, from the engine to the brakes to the tyres. Combine these aspects with the fact that it's apparently monsoon season in Monza and you've got yourself a winner of a race.
Despite how stoked I am for Sunday, I've got a bit of a quandary on my hands, namely:
"Which driver will I formally support?"
If you've been perusing my blog recently, you'll no doubt have seen that Kimi Raikkonen is back in my good graces. I'd love to see him do well, because I have a weakness for underdogs. That facet of Kimi Raikkonen may have been the foremost reason why I became a staunch Ferrari fan last season rather than becoming enamored with the stainless steel empire which is McLaren. Admit it, don't you occasionally catch yourself thinking, "Is it even possible for him to come back from 19 points behind the Hamilton and win it? Do you think he could really do it?" You've got to concede that that would be brilliant.
As much as I'm curious about Raikkonen's ability to make up that much ground in five races, I've also got to consider the other Maranello man, Felipe Massa. Frankly, with two DNFs at the season's start, a unenchanting 13th place finish at Silverstone, and 17th place in Hungary (what a tragedy!), he's had to work his ass off! Massa has impressed me so much this season. He's made such an effort to be consistent, smart, and safe (except at Silverstone - that spinning was terrifying) and I believe he deserves the title. Also, he is super cute and cuddly (see proof below).
It's a tough call. Do I continue to support Kimi in his championship endeavors, even though it means he could draw points from Massa and therefore increase Hamilton's chances of pulling away in the standings? Or do I opt to back Felipe exclusively, relegating Raikkonen to a supporting role and essentially hanging him out to dry (below, see how affronted he would be if I did this)?
Stefano Domenicali, you must be in one hell of a conundrum..
I'm supremely excited about Monza. It just feels special. Perhaps it's because Ferrari is on home turf. Maybe it's because I've never watched a grand prix there? All that aside, from what I have read, it's an amazingly challenging track, high-speed and taxing on nearly every part of the car, from the engine to the brakes to the tyres. Combine these aspects with the fact that it's apparently monsoon season in Monza and you've got yourself a winner of a race.
Despite how stoked I am for Sunday, I've got a bit of a quandary on my hands, namely:
"Which driver will I formally support?"
If you've been perusing my blog recently, you'll no doubt have seen that Kimi Raikkonen is back in my good graces. I'd love to see him do well, because I have a weakness for underdogs. That facet of Kimi Raikkonen may have been the foremost reason why I became a staunch Ferrari fan last season rather than becoming enamored with the stainless steel empire which is McLaren. Admit it, don't you occasionally catch yourself thinking, "Is it even possible for him to come back from 19 points behind the Hamilton and win it? Do you think he could really do it?" You've got to concede that that would be brilliant.
As much as I'm curious about Raikkonen's ability to make up that much ground in five races, I've also got to consider the other Maranello man, Felipe Massa. Frankly, with two DNFs at the season's start, a unenchanting 13th place finish at Silverstone, and 17th place in Hungary (what a tragedy!), he's had to work his ass off! Massa has impressed me so much this season. He's made such an effort to be consistent, smart, and safe (except at Silverstone - that spinning was terrifying) and I believe he deserves the title. Also, he is super cute and cuddly (see proof below).
It's a tough call. Do I continue to support Kimi in his championship endeavors, even though it means he could draw points from Massa and therefore increase Hamilton's chances of pulling away in the standings? Or do I opt to back Felipe exclusively, relegating Raikkonen to a supporting role and essentially hanging him out to dry (below, see how affronted he would be if I did this)?
Stefano Domenicali, you must be in one hell of a conundrum..
Kimi Raikkonen is one 'a my favorite Formule 1 coureurs!
Here in Minneapolis, it's decidedly Fall. Days are gradually becoming cooler (I can wear a sweater outside without fear of sweating off 30% of my body weight!) and I'm back to school, frenziedly learning Dutch and musing about my Major Paper topic. In the world of F1, Spa has come and gone and in it's wake Scrutineering's "Tough Love, Kimi" campaign has finally drawn to a close.
There's no denying that I have been immensely disappointed by Kimi Raikkonen's performance in the past several grand prixs. After his performance at Valencia, I was absolutely livid.Whereas Massa was brilliant (minus the near-miss with Sutil) and Hamilton was whinging as usual ("Wah, I slept on a 'dodgy pillow' and got a neck pain, oooh"), Raikkonen's drive was inexcusably sub-par from the beginning. Jumping the light at his second pitstop and running down his refueler had me steamed and the subsequent engine failure was just the absolute end. Last Sunday I was equally furious with Raikkonen after he got my hopes up with a promising start and well-executed drive, then stuffed the F2008 three laps from the "green-white-checker" (as Joe would say, but it's known to everyone else as the finish line, lol). Yes, in t
he immediate aftermath of Kimi Raikkonen's retirement, the 2007 WDC was dead to me. I was delirious with misery. I vowed to never mention his name again... a measure which lasted for a whole two hours, as I have no self-control. As I've said before, it's just really hard stop liking Kimi Raikkonen..
Kimi Raikkonen's failure to finish the Belgian Grand Prix in a points-paying position (let alone finish, period), may have been a mite disappointing.* But I saw the attitude I've been wanting to see from Kimi Raikkonen for some time. When Raikkonen finally weighed in on the dramatic last laps of Spa, he didn't deliver another tired variation of "Obviously today didn't go as we wanted it to." No, he quite plainly stated that the whole thing was, in effect, all or nothing and that "[he] only wanted to win." And that for me, is excellent! I saw effort and that's all I've ever wanted from Kimi. I wanted some affirmation that he was doing everything humanly (and supernaturally!) possible to put that Ferrari across the finish line in P1!
I'm sure you're all aware of the Raikkonen-Hamilton affair and how egregiously Lewis Hamilton and McLaren feel they have been treated. Honestly, watching the race, I didn't initially see Hamilton gain any advantage. But then again, I'm not a steward and I'm although I know an inordinate amount about F1 in relation to the gross majority of girls my age, Americans, etcetera, I'm still fairly new to this whole business.
Watching it play out again, I definitely see how Hamilton potentially profited from cutting the chicane. He never would have been as close to Raikkonen if he hadn't cut the corner. But this really isn't a topic I want to discuss here. (I feel obligated, however, to post the footage so you can judge for yourself.) There are plenty of other websites which will gladly rehash this for you, analyze it from every angle, and allow you to -if you so choose- subject yourself to the wrath and opinions of Niki Lauda. Personally, I refuse to alienate my readership in the same manner as other sites (PF1, that means you!). I know, I know: I'm really nice! More to follow on Monza and as always,
FORZA FERRARI!
*I wasn't nearly that nice when actually watching him spin, then crash into the wall. I believe I actually lambasted him with the phrase "OH, Kimi Raikkonen, you fucktard!! Hey, I was in agony!
There's no denying that I have been immensely disappointed by Kimi Raikkonen's performance in the past several grand prixs. After his performance at Valencia, I was absolutely livid.Whereas Massa was brilliant (minus the near-miss with Sutil) and Hamilton was whinging as usual ("Wah, I slept on a 'dodgy pillow' and got a neck pain, oooh"), Raikkonen's drive was inexcusably sub-par from the beginning. Jumping the light at his second pitstop and running down his refueler had me steamed and the subsequent engine failure was just the absolute end. Last Sunday I was equally furious with Raikkonen after he got my hopes up with a promising start and well-executed drive, then stuffed the F2008 three laps from the "green-white-checker" (as Joe would say, but it's known to everyone else as the finish line, lol). Yes, in t
he immediate aftermath of Kimi Raikkonen's retirement, the 2007 WDC was dead to me. I was delirious with misery. I vowed to never mention his name again... a measure which lasted for a whole two hours, as I have no self-control. As I've said before, it's just really hard stop liking Kimi Raikkonen..Kimi Raikkonen's failure to finish the Belgian Grand Prix in a points-paying position (let alone finish, period), may have been a mite disappointing.* But I saw the attitude I've been wanting to see from Kimi Raikkonen for some time. When Raikkonen finally weighed in on the dramatic last laps of Spa, he didn't deliver another tired variation of "Obviously today didn't go as we wanted it to." No, he quite plainly stated that the whole thing was, in effect, all or nothing and that "[he] only wanted to win." And that for me, is excellent! I saw effort and that's all I've ever wanted from Kimi. I wanted some affirmation that he was doing everything humanly (and supernaturally!) possible to put that Ferrari across the finish line in P1!
I'm sure you're all aware of the Raikkonen-Hamilton affair and how egregiously Lewis Hamilton and McLaren feel they have been treated. Honestly, watching the race, I didn't initially see Hamilton gain any advantage. But then again, I'm not a steward and I'm although I know an inordinate amount about F1 in relation to the gross majority of girls my age, Americans, etcetera, I'm still fairly new to this whole business.
Watching it play out again, I definitely see how Hamilton potentially profited from cutting the chicane. He never would have been as close to Raikkonen if he hadn't cut the corner. But this really isn't a topic I want to discuss here. (I feel obligated, however, to post the footage so you can judge for yourself.) There are plenty of other websites which will gladly rehash this for you, analyze it from every angle, and allow you to -if you so choose- subject yourself to the wrath and opinions of Niki Lauda. Personally, I refuse to alienate my readership in the same manner as other sites (PF1, that means you!). I know, I know: I'm really nice! More to follow on Monza and as always,
FORZA FERRARI!
*I wasn't nearly that nice when actually watching him spin, then crash into the wall. I believe I actually lambasted him with the phrase "OH, Kimi Raikkonen, you fucktard!! Hey, I was in agony!
Ik vind Formule 1 leuk.
Today in Dutch I learned that I was the only person in class who could say what their hobby was: Formule Een (1), bitches!
And to celebrate this, I bring you what may be "World's Most Awkward Moment":
And to celebrate this, I bring you what may be "World's Most Awkward Moment":
The world needs more visionaries!
The world needs more visionaries! Lauren Porter, we salute you! And we also think this would make world's best bed..
No white after Labor Day, kthnx.
Hmph. Apparently Kimi Raikkonen has never heard of the "No white after Labor Day" maxim. Or he has heard of it and just likes to flout the rules, lol.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Things You Didn't Know About Felipe Massa (Part 1)
#1: Has never had a tonsillectomy.
Sorry if that was graphic.
Sorry if that was graphic.
If I hear you quip one more time...
I love Andrew Davies. But sometimes the man can be a snarky ass. Ugh, everyone at PF1 whinging about McLaren is making me sick(er - my stomach is hurting really bad for some reason).
My apologies.
You guys, I know! I have not posted anything yet on the Raikkonen-Hamilton affair and how "dastardly" and "enept" FIA stewards are. Well, I have feelings on the issue; lots of them! Unfortunately, classes (specifically Gothic Sculpture and Age of Empire) are preventing me from having lots of free time to blog.. So bear with me for a while. I will update you all on my opinions before Monza. Fo' realz.
Oh, also... I've been toying around with the idea of applying for a Fulbright and/or Marshall scholarship. Both are hard. The Fulbright selects 1500 US students and funds their graduate research abroad. The Marshall scholarship picks 40 who want to go to grad school in Britain. Last year 883 people applied. It begs the question. Am I better than 884+ kids with GPAs over a 3.7? Yikes.
Oh, also... I've been toying around with the idea of applying for a Fulbright and/or Marshall scholarship. Both are hard. The Fulbright selects 1500 US students and funds their graduate research abroad. The Marshall scholarship picks 40 who want to go to grad school in Britain. Last year 883 people applied. It begs the question. Am I better than 884+ kids with GPAs over a 3.7? Yikes.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
You invest so much time and energy and booze on someone and they do this to you.
Kimi Raikkonen is officially dead to me. Never mention his name again.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
This is my kind of world.
PARIS (Reuters) - French scientists have devised a way of using particle accelerators to authenticate vintage wines, one of France's top research bodies said this week. "This enables the age of bottles and their origin to be verified and thus a vintage to be authenticated, a bit like the signature of a painter on a masterpiece, all without opening the bottle and without affecting in any way the content," it said.
By comparing the results with a database containing detailed information on 80 bottles from the Bordeaux region from the 19th century to the present day, the tests can help indicate the vintage of many wines.
"Authentication is possible due to the complexity of the processes of glass manufacture which have evolved over time and to the variety of production centers which give each object a characteristic 'signature' made up of many elements," the CNRS said.
Particle accelerators take a particle, such as an electron, speed it up to near the speed of light and smash it into an atom to discover its internal workings.
The new test extends existing radioactivity tests on the actual wine itself, which are currently incapable of identifying vintages prior to 1950.
The test was developed in cooperation with London-based wine dealer The Antique Wine Company.
(Reporting by Claude Canellas; Writing by James Mackenzie; Editing by Crispian Balmer)
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