Acne, Asshats, and the Brawnsaga

It all starts tomorrow. The 2009 season. And I can't wait. I need something to break the monotony of testing and the off-season! A lot of you are going to disagree with me. You'll tell me that the KERS development was so exciting, that all the new technical regulations are just too cool, and that the Brawn GP drama has been lifechanging for you. Ah, okay, yeah, well, that actually was pretty cool, lol.* I've learned from experience that once you miss reporting something big, it's impossible to go back and provide adequate coverage. Try summarizing the McLaren spy scandal and you'll see what I mean. Or try recording your impressions of your first grand prix a few months later. It just can't be done. Plus I'm sure you know all about it, how HONDA pulled their team from the grid when the pressure of the economy became unmanageable (wusses, all of them!) and several suspenseful months and possible buyers, Ross Brawn bought the team, christened it Brawn GP and brought it to testing with a respectable vehicle.

This whole mess is destined to become the national epic of Formula 1. India, you have the Mahabarta; the F1 community has the Brawnsaga. You could confuse it with mythology. It seems utterly improbable, as if it could never in a million years be real. But it is. Perhaps I should illustrate this tale of intrigue and try to relate it to you that way. I am already imagining Ross Brawn as a Herculean figure and the millions of ways I could illustrate Nick Fry (who is still loathsome in my eyes for his offenses against Super Aguri)..

Brawn is fast. Frighteningly fast. So says dear Felipe. However, Brawn's pace doesn't worry me. Mostly it's because we are Ferrari and we know how to build cars. I'm psyched that KERS has worked out so well for us. The first day that we ran it and nothing failed, god, I felt so good! Nothing feels quite so good as seeing your team perform. So no, I'm not going to lose much sleep thinking about how we stack up compared to Brawn. At least we are not McLaren..

For the first time in my history as an F1 fan, McLaren made me happy. This is largely because they gave me several opportunities to use the word "asshat," which is a word that has always made me chuckle. Let's run through some of the occasions, shall we?

1) McLaren tested poorly at Barca, then tried to tell us everything was fine. Asshats.
2) The next day, Martin Whitmarsh said, "Everything is fine. We have proven our pace." Yes, you certainly have - you've proven it's terrible. Asshats.
3) Lewis Hamilton says the next day, "Yeah, things are actually as bad as they look." Asshats!!

It does look like they've improved a little bit. I mean, they were faster in the last testing. Well, faster than Williams. Not terribly promising. Especially when Kaz Nakajima went faster than Kovalainen the next day..

Ah, all this blogging is making me feel so much better! I'll admit, I'm pretty ashamed with myself that I haven't been writing as much. Twelve posts so far this year is downright disgraceful. I've just felt in such a funk this winter. But that's all going to change in a few days time. Come Sunday there's going to be excitement again. Somewhere in the world where they get BBC coverage Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain" will play. Kimi Raikkonen will be on the grid with more motivation and less acne (information I have on good authority from James Allen)! Felipe Massa will be back and he will still be ageless and adorable! It should be a very good year..