Friday, July 4, 2008

Adopt Jenson Button!

If I had to pick a favorite (contemporary) British driver, who'd it be? Well, that's an easy question: Jense, obviously!
What exactly is it about Jenson Button that makes him so much better than, say, DC or Lewis? To find those answers, we went to for yet another webpage analysis...

We always knew Jense was cool. He's got a bitchin' beard and, hey, he does triathalons! Actually, he's not half bad at them. In fact, he's quite good, finishing 117/1700 in the Windsor Triathlon last month! This result "absolutely chuffed [him] to bits," which is terribly sweet. Awwww....

At First Glance

Overall, we find Jense's website aesthetically pleasing, and we're sure you will too. Mind you, there's no explosion of primary colors and it does lack an A-Z section (which are jackpots of joy), but there's a moderate amount of Flash animation to keep you entertained. This is complemented by a lovely, minimalist background. It's white. Startlingly white. Frankly, it looks like you've fallen into a hamper of crisp, starched linen which just happens to be inhabited by Jenson Button. The page can also be credited with an impeccable sense of organization, snazzy pop-up tabs, and a lovely picture of our hero looking directly at you! Really, how friendly! Well, for the first few minutes, anyways. Then you realize he hasn't blinked in awhile and it becomes rather unnerving.

The Good

As opposed to Lewis Hamilton's webpage which is given over in large part to unabashed vagary, Jense actually likes to talk about himself. No, in a good way! Really, he's very interesting and honest. Hence, we learn some fantastic specifics.

Example: Jenson Button is an individual who is rubbish at cooking, never leaves home without his underpants on, and relishes the memory of "the time when I went faster than Jean Alesi."

The Bad

The headlines are absolutely devastating. They honestly make you tear up. Poor Jenson Button. He's like the adorable F1 child who never gets adopted. Everything starts out so hopefully...

"19.06.2008: 'Hoping for better luck in France'"
"20.06.2008: 'Steady progress in France'"
"04.07.2008: 'Promising start to Silverstone weekend'"

...then catastrophe...

"25.05.2008: 'Eventful Monaco ends in disappointment'"
"22.06.2008: 'More bad luck for Jenson'"
"24.05.2008: 'Jenson rues what might have been'"

It seriously is unbearably sad. I think I went through an entire box of tissues just scrolling through the News section. The triathlon news, however, is overwhelmingly jovial, so if you're trying to steer clear of glum, those are for you.

What to Check Out

Definitely visit the Video section for a listen to the audio blog (not a bad concept that; there might be some sadness, so again, if you're sensitive to that kind of thing, exercise caution) and footage from the jovial triathlons. There's also the gallery, which features a display of creepy fan art, creepy fan photos of Jenson, creepy fan pictures with Jenson, and somebody's dog looking at Jenson Button's website...

The biography section is a good time. You'll learn fun facts, like which BAR-HONDA teammate suggested he belonged in a boy band, rather than a car. Once you've run out of other stuff to do, click on the arrow of the black sidebar on the right-hand side of the screen. There's a surprise, so visit and find out what it is because I'm not telling.

What can we learn from

1. Not even Jenson Button looks good in a turtleneck (see the Monaco gallery). Although the Ecclestone's appear to think so, they're sadly mistaken. Also, Petra, that sweater design is definitely for girls.
2. Also looks extremely silly in a swim cap.

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