*

Word on the street is that the Spanish bank Santander is poised to switch their sponsorship from McLaren to Ferrari in 2010. This can only mean one thing: Fernando Alonso is going to Ferrari...

*What will I do?! I mean, when Lewis Hamilton wins or becomes exceedingly unbearable or whatnot, I go and hide in the Ferrari Safe House which is my room! But what will happen if Fernando Alonso infiltrates my precious Scuderia?! Where will I go? Nowhere will be safe! He'll be everywhere, wearing the red overalls, chatting with Chris Dyer. He'll mandate things at my team! I know that I should be pleased that we've secured Alonso. I must admit (although grudgingly) that he's one of the best drivers on the market. But it's not as if there aren't other options. Couldn't we at least try to get Kubica, who's definitely a promising talent to say the absolute least.

Someone recently asked me if I'd stop liking Ferrari should they sign Alonso. If I did, I'd be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I may accept Alonso; I may not, but I've got a strong, unswerving loyalty to my team. And because of that I'll grin and bear it. But if he ever decides to bring that ridiculous Karate Kid thing back... O NOES, I'm going to need so many contingency plans...