Sunday, June 29, 2008

Your Opinions Matter

The idea of the new header was well-received, but it's conception was questionable: at least one of you got the impression that Kimi Raikkonen was plowing into Felipe Massa and his pit crew. Yikes. So again, we at Scrutineering put it to you to decide: which do you prefer? As always, we're glad you're reading this blog. Fine choice.

Header 1

Header 2

Which do you prefer?
Header 1
Header 2
You could do better... free polls

Hooray, Andrew Davies! (For Bringin' It Back)

Why do I love Andrew Davies? Let me count the ways... I find him a terribly astute, well-spoken individual with a fantastic vocabulary. His subtle (yet somehow blatant) Massa bias is immensely pleasing to me. Without "Team-Mate Wars" and "Winners and Losers" to prolong my race weekend euphoria until the following Thursday, I would have nothing to get me through to the next Grand Prix. Lastly, I adore Andrew Davies because he is a master at bringing it back. What is "bringing it back,"you may ask? Wonder no longer:

"Bringing it back": the act of sneakily tying a previously discussed theme or fact (often popular) into a seemingly unrelated conversation.

The other day, ran an article entitled "Trying to Burn Bernie." It's all about the falling-out which seems to be happening between the Baby Eagle and Max and how it's turning into an all-out war in which the latest attack has been the introduction of a feeder series (F2) by the FIA to rival GP2. I imagine it to be like The Clash of the Titans, as you can see in the picture above. By now, the vast majority of F1 aficionados (excepting those who have been residing in caves or comatose) are very much aware of Mosley-gate. Bernie deplored Mosley's refusal to resign his role in light of the scandal surrounding him. In the event the reader has been in a cave or comatose, the aforementioned scandal revolves around the revelation that Max enjoys Nazi-themed S&M orgies (although he vehemently disputes that first bit). Since then there have been rumors of a split between F1 and the FIA and untold bad feelings between Max and Bernie. Are these speculations in fact true? Well, frankly, I haven't the foggiest. But anyways, back to the article!

How does Andrew Davies begin another editorial masterpiece? By employing a genius allusion:
The FIA's announcement this week that they are to launch a new F2 series to rival GP2 is the most visible of opening shots. To use a WWII analogy, Max Mosley has just stormed across the border into Poland with his Panzer divisions.
Oh, how many ways can one link Max to Nazism? But you must admit that slipping that in took some verbal finesse...

Friday, June 27, 2008

Jean Girard dominates... with Minardi?

I was watching Talladega Nights this afternoon. There's that part where they show Jean Girard in his F1 car. I got to wondering what team he was driving for. I mean, what footage are they showing there? After much analysis of the badly pixelated screen shots and the aid of, here is my best guess:

2004 Minardi?

On second thought, that front wing doesn't look right...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I Wanna Punch Hillary Swank

I'm five minutes into P.S. I Love You and it's already probably the worst movie I will see all year. This extended marital dispute scene has me bored to no end. Get over the bigger appartment and babies already!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Proof that Kimi Raikkonen is Pure Win

As anticipated, Ferrari pulled off a superb 1-2 at Magny-Cours this past weekend. Yes, you may criticize me for using the word "superb" in any context relating to the Grand Prix de France. I am fully aware that it is probably the most boring race on the calendar (or in the history of ever). Perhaps I knew it was going to be unbearably uneventful and that's why I somehow managed to sleep through it. Irregardless, I'm elated. Who can turn up their nose at another 1-2 finish this season? Frankly we needed the points and it's great to see Felipe leading the standings (for the first time in the history of ever, I might add). Nice to have him win, but he did have a lot of good luck. Technically, that race should have been Kimi's. And he was running away with it (opened up a 6.7s lead over Felipe by lap 28 and as 23s ahead of Jarno Trulli), until about lap 34. What happened? Well, his right exhaust pipe cracked, and everything went a little pear-shaped. It finally fell off on lap 61. But he actually kept the car going to the flag, without letting anyone but Felipe past! How amazing is that?!

Lol, Stefano Domenicali summed the whole thing up perfectly:

For sure we were very worried, no doubt, it was a long race to finish, maybe lost a lot of years and a lot of hair but that's part of the game. Extremely happy. In that condition you never know. It may stop any lap, it's too difficult, it's critical.

To make up for the aging and hair loss, let's do well with the new engine at Silverstone (provided we do switch it)!

Pop quiz, hotshot(s)!

Do you like the new header?
I have reservations. free polls

I Haz a Widget!

Scrutineering is hi-tech now! Check your driver's status on the mini map/schedule/leader board on the right!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Some People Really Hate Lewis Hamilton

I don't think I could ever really say "I hate Lewis Hamilton" and really mean it totally seriously. Completely loathing Lewis would be petty and take a lot of time and energy. Top this all off with the fact that he probably is a really nice 23-year-old, who just happens to be so determined that he frequently seems cocky/like kind of a douche.

Why this analysis on my feelings towards one of the up-and-coming drivers of my generation? Lol, because I stumbled across this today:

Some people really despise Lewis Hamilton; despise him enough to make business cards..

Memory Lapses

"We just missed the points, so that's three races now without scoring points. [. . .]"

So says Lewis Hamilton. But wait a minute... It seems that Lewis has forgotten that he won Monaco two races ago! How does one forget that? Apparently it was kind of important. The French announcers sure seemed to think so (I was not of the same mind). Several possibilities with the error, then:

a) Lewis Hamilton has been misquoted.

b) Lewis Hamilton is being melodramatic (comme d'habitude).

c) Lewis Hamilton is already anticipating being pwned by Ferrari at Silverstone.

Hmmm, now I just have to guess between B or C...

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Tomorrow I start Logic, so here is my first analogy.

"Cool" is to JP Montoya as "tricky" is to Kimi Raikkonen. Sometimes I don't think they know any other words, lol. Additionally, what the hell are they doing in this picture?

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Earth-Shattering Tragedy

What is the one thing I've always wanted, the one thing I've dreamed of owning? A classic Mini Cooper. For years I've wanted one. And today I found an amazing mug at Les Halles, covered with said adorable little vehicle. Coincidentally, guess what broke today on the Metro? And it wasn't like the handle just cracked off. No, check out this tragedy:

The tinkling crash was probably the saddest sound in the history of the world.

CTRL + Click = Bruno Senna!

In response to my previous post, it is highly unlikely that he would be given a drive right away. But srsly, he is fantastic. Even when he hits dogs.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Ooh, maybe we would get Bruno Senna... That could be cool.

Note: I would put an image here, but I fail at remembering how to right-click on a Mac. Boo.

Make good choices, Robert!

If Alonso goes to BMW, Kubica will stay? This seems like a mistake in the making. Maybe Ferrari would get Nick Heidfeld. That would be acceptable, though not preferable. Make good choices, Robert!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Lewis Hamilton's cocky attitude upsets me.

"Going forward the mood is strong. The fact is we destroyed everyone this weekend. With the car we have right now there is no stopping us."

Actually, Lewis, you just destroyed Kimi Raikkonen (below 2). And yourself (below 1). Probably not the "destroy" you were going for.

Man-up, Sutil

I was YouTube-ing for video of Massa overtaking Kovalainen and Barrichello, and I came across this. Look at Adrian Sutil's absurdly silly run! It cracked me up. It looks like something you'd find in the Ministry of Silly Walks sketch. Turns out I wasn't the only one who noticed it: Andrew Davies did, too!

I'm sorry, Adrian Sutil may be a great F1 driver with balls of steel, but the little run he did between his car and the track exit gate was that of a hairdresser in a hurry. It was a camp, mincing little run, ill-befitting the macho status of an F1 driver. He needs to be sent to macho running school before he gets in the car again.

I also like how he has a hard time getting over the wall. :)

Proof that Felipe Massa is Pure Win

How amazing is this?! This is why I want him to win WDC! Forza Felipe!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Hooray, Robert Kubica (The "Damn it, Belgium!" Edition)

Ahhh, I can't believe I missed the Canadian Grand Prix! I was in Belgium. I did my best to make it to a TV set, but apparently pubs don't abound in Bruxelles, only cafes. Also, I left my last Jolly Rancher in my bag in the locker at the train station. So it got to be time to eat it and it wasn't there! So I got some chocolate (dude, it was a chocolate maple leaf and a truffle called "Brasil" - I thought those might do the trick, you know?) and hoped it would have the same effects. Then we headed straight for the nearest bar and at 6:15, I had a quick beer for Kimi Raikkonen. Alas, I fear that 6:15 was too late. :( From what I'm reading, the race was crazy. First the track disintegrates, then Robert Kubica wins a race, Nick Heidfeld takes second, and DC manages to not crash, finish the race and scoop up third (I know, that's weird, isn't it?)! All this punctuated by Lewis Hamilton rear-ending Kimi Raikkonen in the pitlane, which has me terribly steamed (Damn it, Hamilton! I watched the video before the FIA removed it and all I could think was, "Lewis Hamilton, you moron!" Hence the earlier post.). It would have been really great if Raikkonen could have won (refer to the post "Those Three Points"), but I'm immensely pleased with the outcome. Yay, Robert Kubica! For realz. I was so excited when I read the headlines and kind of freaked out. I'm pretty sure my roommate now thinks I am crazy:

Emily: Oh! Oh, oh! OMG! No way! What!? Robert Kubica won a race! OMG, he actually won a race! And Nick Heidfeld got second?! No! Whoa! He totally looks like a Jedi! ...And what did Lewis Hamilton do to Kimi Raikkonen?
Jess: Ummmm...

How incredibly well-deserved. I did say ("Those Three Points") that I would be cool with a Kubica win. I'm so glad. It's about time. And with Kimi Raikkonen pretty much saying he's out of F1... oh, I am SO excited for 2010. Or maybe even next year! Hopefully sometime in the future.
I'm so sad I missed watching it live.

Now that I've given Kubica his due, let's deal with the Hamilton incident. He's getting a 10-place grid penalty for the FR GP, which is realistically the best I could hope for. Unfortunately, Nico Rosberg is getting one, too. I hope the discussion that Kimi and Lewis had was particularly unpleasant/uncomfortable. I know Hamilton said sorry, but it wasn't terribly sincere. Cue my mother here to twist his arm and say, "Say it like you mean it!"

I'm comforted by the fact the Massa was at least able to finish 5th and get some points (4). That puts him in 3rd in the WDC, tied with Hamilton. Hang in there, Felipe.

Traffic infractions continue, and I'm spitting-mad!

ARGH, Lewis Hamilton, you are a class-A moron! Really, this guy says it perfectly:

What an idiot!

Looks like Lew gets his driving skills from dear ol' dad after all.

The Hamilton family has completed the trifecta of destroying a Porsche, Ferrari and a Mercedes this week.

Somewhere in Kansas is a very astute man.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

To appease those who don't follow F1

A video Austin showed me. You'll probably enjoy it.

Quality Lolz at Felipe Massa's Expense

Ran across these online today:

No, I did not make them. I like Felipe Massa too much. Today I calculated all the pictures I have of him on my computer that I have intended to use in blogs and haven't gotten around to. That number is seventeen (17). Plus. Pretty certain I need to have a devotional blog post, so I can use them all.

Raikkonen Retirement Rehash, and Emily Gets a Little Sad

Ahhh, Kimi is saying that he could retire at the end of 2009! When people say this, it usually means they will be. In a way, I anticipated this. This was exactly the reason I was/am planning the trip to Montreal. Because I really wanted to see Kimi Raikkonen drive before he retired. Well, technically I have done that, I guess. I did go to Monaco. But he didn't have a great race there, so maybe next year in Canada will be better.

I definitely think Kubica is coming to Ferrari, one way or another. BMW will probably use their automatic resign thing to hang onto him for next season. Then if Kimi retires in 2009, I've got a feeling he'll be into the F2010! Well, hopefully. I know I wouldn't say no.

Doesn't this look like a great team to you?

But I will really miss this... :(

And "champagne-does-not-belong-in-the-eyes" moments...

And coming across things like this...

Oh, well, only time will tell. Unless you're Niki Lauda, predicting the future is a tricky business.

Hamilton Family = Traffic Infractions Left and Right

Hamilton Snr crashes £330,000 Porsche

Thursday 5th June 2008

Lewis Hamilton's dad made a rather embarrassing blunder on Thursday when he crashed a Porsche Carrera GT into a children's playground 200 metres from his home in Tewin.

Displaying none of his son's talent, Hamilton Snr careered across a grass verge and through a hedge into the playground. He reportedly tried to reverse out of the mess but instead sent dirt flying as he beached the car even further.

The £330,000 Porsche, which has a top speed of 205mph, suffered damage to the bodywork and a broken rear light. Thankfully, though, the playground was empty at the time and no one was injured.

Eyewitness Daniel Winn told the Mirror: "I was working near his house and saw him leave in the Porsche. He started revving the car really hard and wheel-spinned off.

"He had the roof down and looked at me before he put his foot down. He roared off and 50 yards down the road lost it on the corner.

"The car spun around at 180 degrees and left the road. There was a terrible bang. I ran over and I asked if he was alright. He just said 'yes' and staggered off, looking really shocked.

"A bit later he drove back in a 4X4 to take a look at the Porsche. I rang to report the accident."

Neither father nor son has commented on the incident.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Those Three Points

Everyone is making a huge deal out of the three points which separate Lewis Hamilton and Kimi Raikkonen. Honestly, IMHO, not that big of a deal. I mean, think about it logically: if Kimi Raikkonen wins a race and gets 10 points and Lewis Hamilton finishes, say, fourth, and gets five points, well, then Kimi Raikkonen will have 45 points and Hamilton, 43. And then if he wins again, well, he would be able to keep ahead of him. Also, keep Massa in mind: when he wins, or finishes second, that is one time when Lewis can't finish second. So ideally, the situation for Canada looks like this:

1) Kimi Raikkonen, Felipe Massa, Robert Kubica, or Heikki Kovalainen can win.
2) Anyone of the drivers above can finish second.
3) Robert Kubica, Heikki Kovalainen, and anybody else but the Ferraris and Lewis are allowed to finish third.
4-9) Lewis Hamilton is allowed to finish in any of these positions, but is encouraged not to.

Simple as that.

Attracting Saudi guys; ur doing it right.

My new scarf = a magnet for Saudi guys. Saudi guys who think I am from Venezuela and put pepper packets on my dinner tray.

I'm glad you realize there's a problem here.

"I didn't like it at all to come ninth, without points," he added. "It was the first race of the season where I didn't gain any points and we can't have another one like that because the fight is extremely fierce."

Attaboy, Kimi Raikkonen.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Confidence Vote (Scrutineering Paris Edition)

OMG. No way. No fucking way! Max Mosley actually won the FIA vote of confidence! I am absolutely floored. I totally didn't expect this! Did any of you expect this?

The results for a motion of confidence in Max:

For the motion: 103
Against the motion: 55
Abstentions: 7
Invalid votes (blank): 4

He didn't do too bad for himself! However, this really does create a few problems. For starters, the ADAC (Germany's national motoring body, according to Autosport) has pulled away from the FIA, the AAA (American Automobile Association) is considering bailing, and word on the street is that everyone else is "planning their next move"/pretty damn disgruntled. One has to ask, is this really going to pull motorsport apart? Paul Stoddart sees the vote's outcome a sign that the FIA will soon be going the way of the dodo:

"This is a sad day for motorsport because this is the beginning of the end of the FIA [. . .] The damage done is irreparable and we will now see the demise of the FIA."

It seems unlikely, but you never know. Although the snafu that started this really isn't anyone's business and never should have become public discussion, that doesn't change how much it weirds out teams, sponsors, Sir Jackie (below left, three-time WDC; permanent fixture in the paddock, always with a ridiculous checked cap) and the Dutch (among others).

Exactly how is Mosley going to effectively administer F1 if virtually no one in the paddock wants anything to do with him? Even Bernie Ecclestone (below, second from left [srsly, he's probably the shortest man EVER]) has some cautionary words on this subject, and he and Max are BFF! Essentially, he says, give Mosley an inch and he'll try and take a yard:

"The problem is, if he stays until 2009, he will run again. [. . .] I am 100 per cent certain about that; no, one million per cent certain. That's what he said. He says: 'I don't have to do anything. There'll be another election and I can stand if I want.'"

So, wait, Max, what was all that you said earlier this year about knowing to leave when the party was over, even if people were asking you to stay? I think it'd be terribly foolish for him to run again. Almost as foolish as being "one million per cent certain."

And that's your live report from Paris!

Monday, June 2, 2008

June 3rd!!!!

So it's the big day: Max Mosley's future as FIA president is officially on the line. And I officially have to go to Chartres today, so I'll have to do the reportage when I get back.

What My Dad Said

I sent my dad an email the other day with my review of Monaco. It was lengthy, detailed, and I explained everything from fuel strategy to Safety Car procedures. I joked that F1 journalism is my Plan B if I can't attain a curatorial position.

He wrote back to me:

You are right. You need to find work in that field as I see the pashion for the sport in every one of your e-mails. Work hard and you will get in there.

Quite frankly, that's making me tear up a little. In reality, it would be quite impossible for me to ever do anything like that. But having my dad believe in my ability to make it happen really chokes me up. He's never actually said anything that positive about my interest in motorsport before, so this is a pretty big deal. Usually he just looks at me like I'm crazy, lol!

A Rather Sobering Thought

I got an email from my dad today. He told me what's been going on with my mom's radiation therapy. Apparently she's doing very well. There was a lot of strain in that email. My mom has been on my mind lately. Technically, the hard part is over. We know all the facts; we've started the treatments, and the initial shock has passed. The whole situation isn't so startling anymore and she still looks and acts fine (for the most part). But yesterday I was thinking about the whole business. She's not always going to feel this well or look so normal. Eventually things are going to get worse. I don't know when, but sometime in the future (near or distant) things are going to get tough. And having to come to terms with the fact that that's going to happen someday is really, really difficult to accept.

Kimi Raikkonen? Where are you going?

Hot on the heels of strong speculation that Fernando Alonso has penned a Ferrari agreement for 2010, it is being rumoured again that the Italian team's current star driver Kimi Raikkonen could be soon to retire.

Please, no! Anyone but Alonso! If this is true, well, I thought Ferrari had more sense! Although the fact that we were going after Kubica is reassuring, even though BMW is most undoubtedly going to hang onto him for another season. However, if Raikkonen truly does intend to retire in 2009... Well, that's a whole year to put together a deal with Robert, which I personally would be very enthusiastic about.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

At the Train Station

I went to Caen today. It hasn't changed all that much, which was comforting. I walked up to the campus and thought, "Whoa, it looks clean here! No new graffiti or fliers... WHOA!" Whoa, because I had just tripped over a broken bottle. Then I ran across a bonfire pit, an umbrella in a trashcan, and I ton of Kanterbrau boxes. Same old Caen. :)

At the train station when I was waiting to get my return tickets, this guy cut in front of me in line. He was an English speaker. Unfortunately, the woman at the ticket counter was not. This is how their conversation went:

Man: "I need..."
SNCF Woman: "No English!"
Man: (tries to proceed in English) "I need..."
SNCF Woman: "No English!"
Man: (failing to see that this woman doesn't speak any English) "WHY!?"

(They proceed to yell "No English!"/"WHY!?" at each other a few more times.)

Man: (to another Anglophone behind him) "Why must she force me to speak French?"
SNCF Woman: (In French) "Because this is France and I am French!"

Then it got too ridiculous, so I intervened. English-speaking man didn't say thank you. A nice American couple thanked me instead. So there you go: I, Emily, savior and protector of Anglophones everywhere.

France: Creperie Adventure and the Blue Screen of Death

It's been a long time since I've blogged. Oops. I'm taking a much-needed break from the paper I'm supposed to be writing to recount a bit of what's been going on in France so far. As you know I'm here for three weeks. Last year when I was here, my big vice was kebabs. I loved them. Still do, I guess. But this summer I seem to be craving crepes. Maybe that's because everyone else I'm with is eating them. Nutella crepes with banana. Maybe some coconut. The banana makes it almost healthy. There's a crepe stand that we always go to. It's on the touristy restaurant street across the river from Notre Dame. The last time we went we paid the 50 centimes to sit upstairs, since it was raining. From the window upstairs you can see the kebab shop across the street. I mean, it's a tiny street, so you're about 15 feet away from it, tops. I've been to that place before. I distinctly remember it because when the kebab man puts salt on your fries he also flips the salt back onto the counter. Essentially, he tosses the can and it always lands right-side up. Always. So as we're sitting there, I see him flip the salt and tell everyone that they should watch and that it's so cool. Really, it is! Imagine the six of us sitting there waiting. Jess kept a commentary going. We were all totally hyped up (probably because we'd just had a ton of sugar and were all giggly anyways). Someone ordered a kebab. The guy goes for the deep-fat fryer. He puts the fries on the kebab. Grabs the salt. Salts the fries... and puts the salt back down normally!!! You know at football games when the kicker misses the field goal? That "Ohhhhhhhh!" noise? That's what we all did. Really loud disappointment. The guy at the kebab stand stared at us. The man who was making the kebab stared at us. Banana Stand Man (the young guy who makes the crepes, who actually only cuts the bananas [we watch too much Arrested Development]) actually exits the creperie to stand in the street and look up at us in the window. What an adventure.

Later that night we had a discussion about the Blue Screen of Death. Then a virus ate Inge's computer (questionable subject matter had been searched). Actually ate. Little cockroaches came out and started to much on the screen! We took the computer to FNAC and got it fixed... for free! And the guy fixed lots of other stuff too on the house!

Oh, France.