Wednesday, January 16, 2008
So I found a new roommate. She seems nice. Also really different from me. Not that that's a bad thing. I mean, I really have no problem with people who have differing ideas and tastes than I do. The problem is that I tend to change myself to be more accommodating to others so they will like me. I already feel like I'm going to have to censor myself and my activities a little because she is younger than I am and more religious. She doesn't drink, which means I am going to feel weird having any alcohol in the house and I certainly won't be able to imbibe there. Not that I drink a lot, but it would just be nice to be able to have a party or have a glass of wine and not feel really tense about it. With Megan I always felt like I couldn't have any alcohol around. I guess with this new girl I'm just feeling like I'm going to have to be careful how I act and whatnot when I'm at home, which is definitely stressful. I just want a place to relax. In the future I definitely want to live with someone who I know I'll feel 100% comfortable being myself around. Maybe it would be better off if I lived alone. On second thought, maybe not. I'm becoming a bit antisocial, I feel (actually antisocial is not the right word: I learned today that being antisocial actually means you manipulate others, commit crimes and as Matt puts it are generally "a huge asshole"). I just feel so nervous around people. I'm really trying to make friends, but it's hard. I feel like I'm not connecting with anyone and I feel so lonely. I know that sounds really emo, but I've been thinking about it a lot more lately, especially with my 21st coming up. I'd love to have a party, but honestly, who would come? Everyone is either back at school, not currently in contact with me, or just wouldn't show up. So what's the sense in organizing something and getting disappointed?
Posted by Scrutineering at 5:06 PM