Wednesday, August 6, 2008

ATTN: Lifetime Ban

Have you ever worked at or visited the Miller Hill Mall in Duluth, MN? Have you ever seen a creepy janitor lumbering around? Have you ever witnessed him order/had to serve him tea at Caribou Coffee or accidentally stumbled into a conversation with him about dogs, cow magnets, or another equally terrifying subject?

If you have seen or done any of these things, you have met Jonas.

This is not Jonas. In fact, it is George Clooney in Duluth. However, this is what comes up when you search "jonas janitor duluth" on Google. Let me be very clear: Jonas is nothing like George Clooney. He is irritable and frightening and he may or may not have been trying to stalk one of my coworkers when I worked at the Caribou in the mall. All I know is that he was banned from our kiosk. Which, in truth, was a relief, as he was a particularly difficult customer and had a decidedly disconcerting personality.

I am not the only one to have had these difficulties. My sister has had similarly trying experiences with Jonas at the coffee shop where she works, minus the ban (although from what I hear, he almost received one, as a result of being exceedingly rude to her). However, one day Jenny happened to hear a certain discussion between Jonas and one of her fellow employees. Her relation of said conversation to me went something like this:

Jenny: "Jonas, he likes F1! And, yeah, he likes that guy you like! The one you always talk about!"
Me (properly horrified): "What, Kimi Raikkonen?"
J: "Yeah, and that other guy!"
M: "Massa?"
J: "NOooo! (lots of giggling - you guys have to understand that giggling hysterically is what my sister always does, so you should just imagine her giggling through this whole thing). That other guy!!"
M: "Um... (trying to think of other people) Is it Lewis Hamilton? "
J: "NOOOOO! It's that one guy! The famous one!"

This qualifier "famous" is not very helpful. After I throw out the name of every driver who is racing or has raced in the near or distant past, I finally guess Michael Schumacher. It took me forever to ascertain this. Yes, Michael Schumacher is "that one (famous) guy!"

So I'm fairly horrified that Jonas likes my team (trust me, you would be horrified, too). In response to this startling revelation, Jenny and I made an executive decision:

If you see a guy lurking around my blog who looks nothing like George Clooney and likes cow magnets, please contact the proper authorities. Because I hereby put a ban on you, Jonas! A lifetime ban on your use of my blog! Serves you right for being rude to me about Peppermint tea!