Have you been pining for my blog?! Have you bemoaned the dearth of quality F1 news coverage?! Did you miss my witty banter!? Most likely not, but it would make me feel really important if you would pretend to! What has attributed to the lack of posts? Approximately 75% of it has been down to my own forgetfulness (I left my computer at my parents' house in Duluth) with about 25% resulting from the untimely death of my three-and-a-half year old and much-beloved SONY Vaio, Enzo. This brings us to the first bit of good news. As a computer is absolutely essential to Scrutineering's existence (and, okay, also to my continued academic excellence), it was necessary to purchase a replacement... Enter Dino, my new Mac Book! Welcome to a new era in Scrutineering's history!
That may have been good, but I can do you one better. Prepare yourself for:
That's right, folks, F1 is back! No more listening to me ramble on about Michael Phelps and my dog anymore, I have racing news to report on! The Grand Prix of Europe in Valencia is just hours away and OMG, I am excited! More excited than when Jarno Trulli got a haircut and Andrew Davies called Lewis Hamilton a slut combined! Why am I so ebullient? Well, for starters, I'm at my grandparents' house and they've got SPEED. God, if only I had SPEED! Think how relaxed I'd be.. Tomorrow, rather than fiddling with finicky TVU Player (an activity which usually ends with tears of defeat and me missing the Grand Prix), I'll simply switch on the television and bzzt!, I'll instantly be watching my favorite pilots tear around world's homeliest street circuit!
Yes, I said "homely". As a track, Valencia looks challenging with twenty-five turns, and an average speed of 125 mph. But although it looks neat, it's not so snazzy in appearance. Lots of concrete, lots of gray. Which is a pity, because apparently Valencia is a moderately attractive port city.
It's true, Valencia's no Monaco. But I could care less about aesthetics at present. I'm focused on something of far greater importance: Ferrari looks strong at Valencia so far and Massa snagged pole! Behold his onboard!
With Massa on pole and Raikkonen starting fourth, there's a definite possibility of a 1-2 finish; a chance to pick up a much-needed victory and a whole mess of points. Provided we play our cards right, that is, and don't do anything stupid or breeze around noncommittally (that means you, Kimi; you'll get nothing but tough love on this blog from now on until you get your act together, mister!!).. In theory, this track should suit Ferrari well. The weather's hot, which is great for our tyres and we tend to perform well on low to medium downforce tracks. I need a win so bad. Especially after Hungary. I may have shed a few tears over Felipe's DNF in Hungary. Okay, I did cry, but not that much! You guys know how much I love Felipe Massa(In case you didn't, the answer is "lots")!
It seems there'll be plenty of opportunity for surprises at Valencia, as it's a new circuit. The playing field is potentially more level, since everyone's starting fresh. Hooray, Toro Rosso, for performing particularly well! Sebastian Vettel grabbed top spot in P1 and both drivers made it into Q3, which is good news for Sebastien Bourdais whose season thus far has been less than impressive.
I'm confident this weekend, but in Ferrari fashion, I'm keeping my feet on the ground. Also I have a gigantic bag of Jolly Ranchers - 3.75 lbs to be exact. Time to bring that tradition back. Believe what you will, but I really think it helped us get results. I guess we'll just see how it goes. See you bright and early!