Sunday, August 10, 2008

Up-to-Date Waffle Race Report

Every once and a while F1 coverage flat-lines for a day or so. Habitually, there's little to no news over the weekend when all motorsport journalists [save myself] are indulging in a few well-deserved days of rest. But every few months there'll be a puzzling dead-spot mid-week. In these situations, the dearth of news is both distressing and maddening. I'll sit online, navigating idly between Autosport, PlanetF1, and Pitpass until I finally have to concede that there is/will be no breaking news and I'll have to go do something productive.

Unfortunately, one of those dead-spots is occuring right now, as the F1 community is on a three-week-long "break" to fiddle with their cars before the European Grand Prix. And unless you want me to post more pictures of Mark Webber's glum face (below) and hear him theorize on exactly how KERS could kill, I have nothing of importance to report on. However, I can give you by-the-minute coverage of the Waffle Extravaganza.

I am in the midst of Waffle Extravaganza (or Waffle Food Orgy, if you prefer) at my sister's house. Jenny and Ben got a waffle iron for a wedding present. It's very nice and it's also non-stick, which is a lucky thing since my sister is doing a poor job at making waffles. Or a particularly spectacular job at malforming them. Maybe that is nicer.

12:52: Jenny has just informed me that she has actually made a waffle and it looks good. I may have to go check this out, so hold on a second.

12:54: Okay, I have looked and it does look good, but I think she made another mistake because she just said, "I can't make waffles anymore!" and Ben has told me to "blog her." To be precise, she has put in toop much batter and overflowed the griddle.

1:00: Jenny has made another waffle. It's in the oven and she's very proud of it. So proud that she has sent a picture text to my younger brother, who is currently in Indiana.

1:06: As the waffle situation is under control, my brother (Sever) and Ben are assessing an AK-47 in the kitchen. Yes, it is real; no, it is not loaded. And we are adhering to the strictest gun safety practices, so don't freak out.

1:08: Jenny has three waffles. This has only taken half an hour. I want to know when Jenny is going to attempt to make mimosas.

1:09/12:09: I have discovered the desktop clock I have been using is exactly one hour fast. Oh, rats.

12:12: I am now holding the AK-47. There are absolutely no bullets for the AK-47 in the house.

I was in charge of buying champagne for the mimosas. I have concluded that I have vastly underestimated the power of advertising and product placement. Last night at Cash-Wise (inarguably the worst liquor store in the Twin Ports - who doesn't sell cider?!), I automatically grabbed a bottle of Martini and Rossi:

Jenny: "Why are you buying that one?"
Me: "Well, because they sponsor Ferrari."
Fact: I also bought it because their label is pretty.