Disembodied Voices and Super Long Arms

It's a lucky thing for Fernando Alonso that my arms don't reach all the way to Spain, because I would be slapping the shit out of him right now. I imagine it would go something like this:

Emily (disembodied voice): Fernando Alonso, you are such a total douche! How dare you openly instigate more negative speculation about Felipe Massa's future at Ferrari?! If I ever catch you saying that you want that race seat again, well, young man, you don't even want to think about what I'll do!! *Slap, slap, slap slap!*

Fernando Alonso: *Stunned expression, as super long arms have just appeared out of nowhere and set about flailing at his head.*

This all stems out of Felipe Massa's DNF at Malaysia, which makes his second DNF of the season. That wouldn't be so bad... except that there have only been two races so far. Yikes. In Australia at least it was an engine failure, so that makes it a bit more acceptable (although one has to say that even if he'd finished, he wouldn't have been anywhere near getting points, having worked his way backwards all race). In Malaysia. though, it was seriously all down to driver error. Watch Lap 31 at 2:22:



He just loses the back end! And this certainly wasn't the race to do it in. Ferrari had bounced back from their disastrous performance at Australia and were running one-two, having opened up a considerable lead over Robert Kubica, the McLarens and everyone else. If things had stayed that way, Ferrari would have pulled past BMW in Constructors Championship points and hung just three points behind McLaren in the standings. Unfortunately, something went wrong. Ferrari issued a statement after the race saying that the aerodynamics stalled when the F2008 hit the kerb, but I know for a fact that they've chalked it up to Massa mishandling. I believe the phrase Martin Brundle used to describe the whole thing was "ambition getting the better of adhesion" (which I find immensely clever). And frankly, it's quite true. Massa is a good driver. He's very talented. But I suspect he lets his heart get the better of his head and hands. Especially with Raikkonen easily overtaking him in Malaysia and making clear who's top dog (not that anyone really needed to say it). He must be absolutely terrified that Kimi is getting such an early lead over him, which will make him #2 once again, and he'll never get to challenge for the title.

But back to the original point of this post. After this all happens, Fernando Alonso (that impersonal Spaniard who generally has plenty of blunt and irritating things to say ) opens his mouth and starts talking shit again! Essentially he says that Massa's driving badly and, well, we all know what that means. Well, at least we know what it means in Fernando's mind: that he should cut ties with Renault ASAP and zip over to Ferrari to snag Massa's seat! What is the big idea, Fernando? I'll say what I said before about Australia: it was a bad race. I guess in Massa's case it's two bad races. In a row. However, what can you tell from two races? If Massa drives like this all season, maybe he has lost his touch. If he consistently fails to perform, let him go. But at least wait until we're more than a ninth of the way through the season to analyze his overall performance! Look what everyone said about Kimi Raikkonen last season. What did he go on to do? Win the World Championship, that's what! So I'm going to do to Felipe what I did for Kimi last season: send good thoughts and be supportive. I'm excited for Bahrain.